This is my desire:
To give a child a life
To rescue kids who have no chance
To be a Godly wife
To be a good example
to my sisters, brothers, nieces
To fully rely on God
when everything seems in pieces
To love the Lord with all my heart
And spray air freshener after I fart (hehe)

It's not easy being green

Green beans
Green grass
Green poop
From my...

Just kidding.

Do we have to write in poem form? Because I'm not.

Green is and always has been my favorite color. When I am out shopping, the green stuff always catches my eye first. Money is green. I love green beans and broccoli. Both green. My purse is green. My eyes are green. I live in the part of Oklahoma called "Green Country". Beautiful rolling hills (more like bumps) of green. (And hay- not so much green, though). Tulsa is full of beautiful green trees that provide such nice shade for me. The coasters on my coffee table are green. I am eating my supper from a bowl that is green on the inside. Kermit the Frog is green, and I love Kermit. Christmas trees are green- Christmas is my favorite time of year.

When I see the color green I just feel like I gravitate towards it. It stirs something up inside me. I cant explain what it is. It's sort of the same feeling I get when I am out taking pictures.

I love green so much you'd think i'd want to "go green" along with the rest of the world.....

but I don't. I like throwing away plastic. It's more convenient.

There. I said it.

I dont want to go green.

Triglycerides

No more sugar
No more carbs
No more drinking beer
In bars

Diet and exercise is the way
to get triglycerides outta' 'da way

Triglycerides high,
I want them low
These triglycerides have got to go!

Polka Dots and Sparkles: a Haiku (sort of)

Twirling skirts,
feeling pretty,
pretty pretty princess,
Polka dots and sparkles

New family members

Harriet

Darcy

Bear Bryant
Well, I found some puppies on Monday when I went to check the mail. I'm not really a fan of dogs, but these guys stole my hear the minute I saw them. I had already come home with a hamster who was rejected on Monday....and today we tried to find a shelter for the puppies, but nobody would take them, so we decided to make them ours. THey are a lab/rotweiller mix. 9 weeks old and 6 pounds. We named them Bear Bryant Loerke and Darcy Ruth Anne Loerke. Bear is a ball of energy and is already starting to respond to being called bear. He also pooped like a big boy in the grass today and got SO EXCITED when he did!! He ran to matt and was just wagging his tail like crazy. Darcy is a lot more reserved, and prefers to lay down in dark places and not do anything. My kinda girl. She also went potty outside and was very happy about that, too! These guys have been living underneath our apartment complex, so I guess they are used to dark spaces. They are terrified of any sudden movements or loud noises....but we are just so excited to have them and to be able to love them. We're gonna cancel our internet to make sure we have a little more extra dough in case a vet emergency comes up. :) Heres the pics of all our kids!

Aunt-hood

I remember thinking as a kid that I can't wait for April and Timmy to have kids, so that I can be an aunt. The day April called me to tell me she was pregnant I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I remember running around my college campus telling everybody I knew (and didn't know) that I was gonna be an aunt. I don't know what about aunthood was so exciting to me..I just know that I couldn't wait.
And then when I saw that little Carly girl for the first time...it was awesome!!! I was just overwhelmed with this huge responsibility to be such an example for her. To love her like I would love my own kids. To lead by example. To get on the floor and play with her. To let her know how much her aunt loves her. To do all I can to build trust and a relationship with her that will cary into her adult life. The same for Olivia. I wish so bad that I could live in Anniston near my sweetie girls. I want to be able to have a welcoming home, that they can come to after a hard, dramatic day at school and them be able to talk to their Aunt Spazzy about it. I want to have slumber parties with them. I want to be a constant person in their life. I'm fortunate enought that I have been able to go down to Anniston about every three months...fortunatley for Olivia that means Matt gets to come, and he is all she cares about. But I think it's great.

I dunno what the point of this post was. I just felt like getting it out there.

Ga ga goo goo

Well...Nothing much new here. I am just so excited at the possibility of getting pregnant. I hope it happens quickly!!

Room for improvement

Lately I've been doing something...weird. It's like I am able to step outside myself and examine all my thoughts and actions, etc etc. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm here, but I'm also out there, watching the me who is here. What' bothers me most about this is that the me who is outside watching doesn't like the me that it is watching. I've noticed lately how angry I am. I've also found myself thinking thoughts that, in my own opinion, I don't normally think. For example, the other night we had some friends over for dinner. We've been friends with them for maybe a month and half. I like them a lot, but over dinner they revealed that they are moving to Kansas City in August, I feel like normally I would have been thinking "Awww man, just when we make some friends they go and leave us", but instead I thought "Eh...well, why get close?" And then right after I thought that, I thought "Who ARE you? Why are you thinking this way?" It's like I have been carrying on a constant conversation with myself...It's almost like I feel pretty much dis-attached (is that a word) from pretty much everybody except for Matt and Henry. And my family. And then not even my whole family.
I don't know.
I don't like myself.
I don't like my body.
I don't like much anymore.
I don't want to take medicine for this.
I want to think happy thoughts.
I want to get off the couch and exercise.
I want to not be so tired all the time.
I want to have better control of my spending habits.
I want to eat healthier.
I want to be different than who I am.