Sigh.
I miss my family.
A lot.
It came to my attention this week that Carly and April went shoe shopping. Of all the shoes in the store, Carly picked out bubble-gum pink Dora light up mary janes. April wasn't too keen on them and told Carly to put them back. And she did without complaining. It was just so neat to me to "see" a two year old already learning to sacrifice something she wants without complaining. How amazing! Of course, being the so loving Aunt that I am, I drove all the way to Owasso (its about a 30 min drive), and used 1/4 tank of gas (I was driving the Wrangler, it needs gas like we need water) in search of these shoes. I got them, of course. But thinking about it on the way home I just thought....wow, that is a lot of love I have for somebody. I know I love Mattie and my family a lot but I guess I never realized it. Not that it's some heroic act to drive a little bit to buy some shoes for my favorite neice but I just wanted to. I love her so much I had to get her those shoes. It's just so neat to be able to love somebody! Jesus gave us love in our hears and I want nothing more than to share that love with others. It feels so good to pour love on people.
One of Marys "brothers" from Peru is here in Tulsa for two weeks. His name is Hugo (like Uno but with a g instead of an N). He is SO SWEET. I am in love with this kid. Natrually, he wants Bethany to be his girlfriend but she said no. But he is just the cutest neatest kid I have met in along time. He is always washing grandmas dishes for her, cleaning things for her, he turns all the lights off when he leaves the room, and yesterday he was on the couch reading his little spanish bible and highlighting stuff. It was just neat to see, I guess. I want my boys to be like him. He's so sweet and gentle and giving. Lots of people in south america are like that. Ah me.
Christmas seems like so far away to see my family again. I had a little crying spell last night when I thought about how much I miss them. I miss being able to watch movies with mom and fall asleep in her bed. I want to be able to go play with Carly when I have the time, and to take her places and watch Miffy with her and be not only her aunt, but an influence and a good friend. I want to be near my sister, my 2nd mom, who teaches me thigns and is so honest with me. I want to be near Joel who only knows how to tease me relentlessly. I want to hear my dad say "hey pupster" and jab me in the side with his stubby poky fingers that leave bruises afterwards, (its the equivalent to pawpaws SLAPS on the back). yeah, it hurts. I want to take Carly fimmin in moms pool. I want to be a part of the other babies life. ......
Gah I forgot maclaren and Erica! Maybe living close I will get a sighting of them. I want to be able to laugh with my bubba and get to know Erica more.
We're planning on moving in May but my head keeps telling me it's not going to happen. Something inside is just saying No. Are we forcing it? Are we not listening to God? I want to be near my family more than anything, but I am totally willing to say here if I have to. I don't feel like it's out of Gods will with us planning to move, but I dont necessarily feel like it IS His will either. But does he always reveal it to us when we want? No, he doesn't. Maybe a move to Fayetteville is just a pit stop before the real plan begins. I dunno. I do know what I want to be where my family is. I miss them. I hate being away from them. It's like as soon as I let Jesus into my life and take control and really started to love my family, I moved away. Now i want to go back and give them the love that I never gave....momma always said I would regret not hugging them or sayig I Love you, and I do....
Well, now that I am crying again I am going back to baking cookies. I just had to get this out.
My Norman Rockwell
15 years ago
4 comments:
amy, we named the poke this weekend when mac and erica were here. it's the "death poke" cause dad was jabbing mac in the back and I said, "Oh no! The death poke!" Dad goes, "Oh, I thought you meant I was hurting him or something" and we all died laughing b/c it hurts so bad when he pokes. I was laying on the couch when they left last night and maclaren death poked me with his middle finger smack in the middle of my forehead until i almost passed out from the pain. I don't know how I escaped bruising on this one, the only thing I think is that b/c I head butt Joel at every opportunity with that same spot has made it slightly more calloused and resilient.
it was fun to see them.
don't say you won't come, we want you to be around and be a significant and up close part of cita's life. and the newby.
the death poke...niiiice. haha dad has to know it hurts. that is hilarious. it's sort of like you telling him you are pregnant and he says "i dont know what that means, here talk to your mother." he's a special case, our dead. has he death poked carly?? oh wait, he has...i SAW him poke her and then say "move it!". its his fault for the bad behavior.
when i said "he's a special case, our dead.." i meant to say dad??
i DO have a knot and a bruise on my forehead! it showed up today, two days after the offending incident
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