Until further notice..

So Matt and I decided to postpone moving pretty much indefinately. There are just other things right now we need to worry about. We both feel good about our decision.....as much as I want to live near mi familia, it just didn't feel right. Like we were forcing it to happen or something. I feel much better now. Almost relieved. It's weird.

Anyway,....thats the news fornow.

We are family..

Sigh.

I miss my family.

A lot.

It came to my attention this week that Carly and April went shoe shopping. Of all the shoes in the store, Carly picked out bubble-gum pink Dora light up mary janes. April wasn't too keen on them and told Carly to put them back. And she did without complaining. It was just so neat to me to "see" a two year old already learning to sacrifice something she wants without complaining. How amazing! Of course, being the so loving Aunt that I am, I drove all the way to Owasso (its about a 30 min drive), and used 1/4 tank of gas (I was driving the Wrangler, it needs gas like we need water) in search of these shoes. I got them, of course. But thinking about it on the way home I just thought....wow, that is a lot of love I have for somebody. I know I love Mattie and my family a lot but I guess I never realized it. Not that it's some heroic act to drive a little bit to buy some shoes for my favorite neice but I just wanted to. I love her so much I had to get her those shoes. It's just so neat to be able to love somebody! Jesus gave us love in our hears and I want nothing more than to share that love with others. It feels so good to pour love on people.

One of Marys "brothers" from Peru is here in Tulsa for two weeks. His name is Hugo (like Uno but with a g instead of an N). He is SO SWEET. I am in love with this kid. Natrually, he wants Bethany to be his girlfriend but she said no. But he is just the cutest neatest kid I have met in along time. He is always washing grandmas dishes for her, cleaning things for her, he turns all the lights off when he leaves the room, and yesterday he was on the couch reading his little spanish bible and highlighting stuff. It was just neat to see, I guess. I want my boys to be like him. He's so sweet and gentle and giving. Lots of people in south america are like that. Ah me.

Christmas seems like so far away to see my family again. I had a little crying spell last night when I thought about how much I miss them. I miss being able to watch movies with mom and fall asleep in her bed. I want to be able to go play with Carly when I have the time, and to take her places and watch Miffy with her and be not only her aunt, but an influence and a good friend. I want to be near my sister, my 2nd mom, who teaches me thigns and is so honest with me. I want to be near Joel who only knows how to tease me relentlessly. I want to hear my dad say "hey pupster" and jab me in the side with his stubby poky fingers that leave bruises afterwards, (its the equivalent to pawpaws SLAPS on the back). yeah, it hurts. I want to take Carly fimmin in moms pool. I want to be a part of the other babies life. ......
Gah I forgot maclaren and Erica! Maybe living close I will get a sighting of them. I want to be able to laugh with my bubba and get to know Erica more.

We're planning on moving in May but my head keeps telling me it's not going to happen. Something inside is just saying No. Are we forcing it? Are we not listening to God? I want to be near my family more than anything, but I am totally willing to say here if I have to. I don't feel like it's out of Gods will with us planning to move, but I dont necessarily feel like it IS His will either. But does he always reveal it to us when we want? No, he doesn't. Maybe a move to Fayetteville is just a pit stop before the real plan begins. I dunno. I do know what I want to be where my family is. I miss them. I hate being away from them. It's like as soon as I let Jesus into my life and take control and really started to love my family, I moved away. Now i want to go back and give them the love that I never gave....momma always said I would regret not hugging them or sayig I Love you, and I do....

Well, now that I am crying again I am going back to baking cookies. I just had to get this out.

Adoption

Well, I just watched this show on the discovery channel called Adoption Stories, and now I am crying. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. This couple adopted twin girls from Korea. It was so neat to see them at the airport waiting for the girls to arrive. THe mom and dad were both just crying so much, and their biological daughter who is 3 1/2 was real worried about them crying. Anyway, I was sitting like a loof on the couch just crying my eyes out thinking about all the orphans in the world who need a Mommy and Daddy. I thought about Henry who was adopted, and Matt's two little sisters and their brother who were adopted. The amount of love these children need....so amazing. I am so inspired now. I want to adopt a child!! What an opportunity we have to extend God's love to other children. Jesus loved the children (all the children of the world..red and yello...nevermind) and wanted them near him. What better way to bring a child near to Jesus than by adopting one and sharing His love with them! You can do this with your own children, but these orphans may never have a chance at all! Gosh, we as Americans are so blessed with all that we have...shoes, clothes, and abundance of food, furniture, people around us that love us so much....and these orphans around the world, they dont even have parents!! Some of these kids that do have parents are no better off because their parents are bozo's. I cant even imagine how Henry's new mom and dad feel about him. Just watching taht show made me feel so honored to he a part of this childs life. I have an opportunity to help him grow and show him love and treat him as I would my own children. The same for Carly and my hopeful nephew, and Matt's little sisters. What a great opportunity Jesus has given all us adults to be examples not only to our adult brothers and sisters but to the children as well.

A new way to clean

I dunno if anybody reads this anymore, but thought I would share my idea anyways..

Whenever I am cleaning, and I find something in the kitchen that goes in the bedroom or somewhere else....I get real distracted putting up the said item. I will take it to the bedroom and that will get me started on cleaning that room, instead of finishing the room I was in.

So this morning I had the brilliant idea to pull out the laundry baskets, and while cleaning if I found something that went in another room, i put it in the designated basket. So now, when I go to clean my bedroom, I just pick up the basket with all the bedroom items and go in there.

It saves me from getting distracted, and it saves matt from coming home to a house that i cleaned but never looks clean...

Please...

Pray for me y'all....that I will have a good attitude towards Matt's mom while I am still living here. I thought I missed her while she was in Peru....turns out, I wish she was gone again.

Bad, huh?

Please though, really pray for my attitude....I want an attitude of love, patience, ......etc etc...all the fruits of the spirit Jojo talked about on her myspace. That would be nice.

Also, I am really stressing about my b-day. 23 just feels so awkward.....such an inbetween age. I am really feeling resistant towards this birthday. I know it's not old but it's like...man..23 years...what have I done? This is the age I always envisioned having kids....who knows...life is so busy right now with work and trying to move and trying to squeeze in some quality time with the hubby at midnight. This birthday feels unimportant, I guess. Mattie will be working, I have to celebrate without him. My family isnt here. Nobody in tulsa even knows its my bday but my fam....I dunno. I am just whining right now but it's weird is all I am trying to say....

Uhhh. My heartburn never stops, never. I believe i suffer from severe acid refulx disease. My esophagus? It's probably damaged beyong belief....

Wow, I am just ramblin away here....

Bah humbug

Nothing like seeing a picture of yourself to make you feel absolutely un-attractive in every way possible.

Henry is trying to crawl. he got 10 times chunkier while I was away. We're talkin rolls on the thighs yall. He's still cute as can be....methinks he is fed too much. Oh well, he aint my child and i shall do as momma says. He's also saying "dadadada" now...so that is exciting. He will be 7 months this week. I will be 23 this week. Insanity. 23 aint old but I am having such a hard time dealing with it....such an awkward age.

Well, I'm off to mope about the horribleness of the picture I just saw of myself.

yes, this post is all about me. but it's my blog and I'll write what I want to.

Rambles..

I've always thought that I wanted to be pregnant by the time I was 23.

That leaves me 8 days to get on it. Ha!

Kids are definately on our mind lately. Even though we really are in no place financially to have a child....but if you wait until that moment arrives, .....can you even do that? How do you know when "Oh by the way, we can now afford a child". I mean you need money for everything, you never know what kind of blow you are going to get dealt ya know? Isn't that part of life, always trying to make money for something else and for today. True our plan is to be financially free in 5 years, and hopefully with Gary's wise ways we can do that. But who wants to wait 5 more years to have a kid? Not I! Not that 28 is old on the least bit, but I will be 28! My kids after I have all 5 of them...will still be at home when I am in my 60s. I don't want that. Shoo flys, dont bother me! I know I am not old at all, but I'm not gettin any younger either. My body already aches when I am bent over too long....it takes about 5 minutes to straighten my legs back out... like I heard them say on Gilmore Girls last night "There's never a great time to be a parent..you just are". I told Matt that after I heard it and all he had to say "so waht does that mean..." and I'm like "duh, that i want a CHILD!"

All this to say I can't wait to be a momma. I can't wait to be an aunt again. I can't wait to be back at Henry's house to play with my little buddy. I can't wait to live near my neice and soon to be (hopefully my) nephew!

We got digital cable yesterday and I discovered a channel made just for me..the Independant Film Channel! Yes! I already dvr'd the movie Amelie. I am so excited about this channel, I imagine I will be recording many a movie as I jsut happen to love independant films more than any others... There's also a channel devoted stricly to love movies! Last night I feasted on The Notebook while Mattie worked on his stock homework...

We're really (or I am) praying that we can somehow get a 2nd car. All we need is a clunker to get us here or there....I even prayed that somebody would just miraculously (sp?) give us a car....seeing as we don't really have money to go buy one...

Well I've written a lot. All pointless chatter....it's okay, it does me good to get it out, and it beats talking to my apartment walls.

Cha-ching!

Well, my prayers were answered....Henry needs me full time now through September. So yay! And Matt got an evening job at Staples workin about 15-20 hours a week so that helps out with our move, too.

I'm here to tell ya God is GOOD!

Lo siento

I'm sorry for all the complaining I've been doing about Matt's mom. It seems like with every person in my life, I go through this season where I notice everything about them that I don't like and just start not liking that person at all. I realize now though that she does what she does because she loves her kids, she doesnt want us to move, etc etc. It's natural for a mom to miss her kids, ya know? So I'm sorry i was complaining so much and making her sound like a monster in law. She really isnt.

On a lighter note, the end of may cannot come fast enough. Right now I am most excited about living close to April. I miss my sister. Plus she needs my help with my nephew (fingers crossed) on the way. Apes I just know you are having a boy, i just know it.

I think mattie and I both found part times jobs to help us save $$ for moving. This way I can still stay with henry but work somewhere else too, so it'll be like I am working full time, just with two different employers. One taxes out my taxes, the other doesnt. That's all.

I am going to be 23 this month. Isnt that weird? I feel like I am 12. Oh well.

home sweet home

At least, I think it's sweet.

I'm real excited to be back in my owm bed. Although I slept exceptionally well on the air bed at Jojo's I was real glad to be in mine. I never realized how firm it was. ....

So yeah, now that we are home I feel terrible. My throat is swollen, more snot than any one person should have, and to top it all of PMS!

ALSO, as soon as we got back, Matt's mom started in about us moving. Apparently she is planning to go to the NC beaches when we move adn we are supposed to go with them. Sorry lady. The reason we are moving is to GET AWAY from them (namely: her) and now they are following us?? She is in major denial, also. She was trying to tell us last night that you can't ever really say "we're moving at this time to this place", um yeah you can, and we did it. End of May, Fayetteville NC. She just keeps making comments about us staying here and about my family moving here to Oklahoma....not gonna happen. At first she tried telling us we cant move because the girls wouldnt be able to handle it emotionally. Sure that stinks but is that my problem?? I mean Matt and I have to do waht is best for US, not his little sisters. When Matt said I do he promised to take of me and my emotions, not me and his two little sisters, right??

Anyway, all the traveling, matts mom and not feeling good made me a big time grouch last night. Poor matt got the butt of it all , too. And now I feel annoyed again cause he wanted to sleep more instead of going to the grocery store to get me medicine. But i agreed to let him sleep so i shouldnt complain, right? Right.

Sadness

Well, so we've basically decided that we want to move back to NC. However this requires me finding a full time job.

I don't watch Henry full time.

You see my delimma? I have been crying all afternoon because I do not want to leave him. I keep praying that his mom will need me full time, that would be awesome. A little pay raise would be nice, also...

Just pray that if Henry doesn't work out, I will find something I enjoy just as much. I just emailed a nanny service (they had no phone number in their ad, just an email...waht is the world coming to!) anyway I emailed the nanny service to ask them some questions.

It just stinks...I love the little stinker so much, I do....but it's my reality if we want to move...

Wedding pics pt. 2

Okay so I cant seem to load these in order...dunno why..

Does this peach with a hemmoriod look familiar?
Carly and Uncle Manny playin with each other after we arrive..
Aunt Spazzy playin with her siblings..
The mountains of NC
We thought these two kudzoo covered trees looked like dinosaurs

Wedding pics part 1

Bear with me...there are gonna be many parts to my wedding pics series. This starts from our trip..
The above pic is this insane storm we had to drive through.
Matt feeling tired from driving
Our pretty sunrise from the morning of our drive
The retarded picnic tables they have at Oklahoma rest stops

Memphis..??

Sooo the wedding is over. Really??

This all seems like a dream...

I had a good but chaotic weekend. I will write more about everything when I'm done processing..

We missed ya, Les!

The time has come

Well, my little bubba gets married this week....

I won't believe it till I see it.

I thought he was still 10 years old with no front teeth. Or even 3 years old wearing his little blue golashes and "muscle shirts" everywhere.....

Where has time gone??

Pics

You can see pics from my latest photography adventure on my photo blog!

Decisions, decisions..

Well, our lease runs out at the end of this month. We would like to move, but seeing as we're gonna be in NC, and we have to make a decision by the 15th of this month, I guess we are staying a little bit longer in our shoebox apartment. They are raising the rent again, but we get a 3% discount since Matt works for OU. Sooo....it's not quite 500 but almost, which is a lot for a small one bedroom apartment. But ya know, it works for what we need right now. We have room to sit, to eat, to sleep....so we are thankful.

Anyway, so this means that we most likely have to sign a 9 month lease. With a 9 month lease our rent will be 475....if we wanted a 6 month it would be 485. 3 Months more is worth saving 10 dollars, I suppose. If we signed a 6 month we would be moving right around Christmas time, which again we will be in NC....sooo, if we sign the 9 month it will be perfect. We'd be moving in March which means cooler weather and could even mean snow in Oklahoma. Anyway, all this to say that we are really praying about where to move after our next lease runs out. Be it to NC or somewhere else in Tulsa. We are real hesitant to sign a year lease because we feel like that is too much time here. We're torn because as much as it would be nice to have a break from Matt's family, we will miss them a lot. And I honestly don't know what Matt's mom would do without us here. THey depend on me and Matt for so much- literally to make decisions for them, to fix things when they are broken....but ya know what? We didn't move here to take care of them. She is a grown woman and needs to learn to be self sufficient. So do the little girls- they are 13 and almost 15 now. It's high time they got off the couch and stopped watching Disney channel and helped their 76 year old granda with THEIR laundry and their dirty dishes and cleaning up their own dang messes.

I really feel we will be leaving Tulsa but it's a feeling and you cant really base much off of those. They trick us a lot.

Keep us in your prayers. 9 months seems like a long time, but it's also no time at all. If we move to another state, we've somehow got to find AFFORDABLE housing plus jobs. Soooooo that's all for now.

A post of value..

Sometimes the people in my life here make me want to pull out my hair.

None of Matt's family can understand or wrap their brains arount the fact that Matt and I are really going to make these stock classes work for us. We didn't pay money for the cd's or the classes to not do it. Nobody believes that we can do this. They reply with a "oh okay well when you become a multi-billionaire remember who your family is". They can't get out of their work mentality. Now I understand that people who haven't taken Gary's classes have a hard time grasping this anyway....but it's like whenever we mention it, they just shoot us down and leave us feeling discouraged thinking we can't do this. This makes Mattie and me want to move to a place where we are surrounded by people with the same ideas as us, and who will support us in our endeavors, not tear us down.

They (read: matts mom and grandmom) have a problem with how we want to raise our children. We had a big discussion the other night about how we want our kids to be self-sufficient when they are teenagers. My parents made us get jobs and pay for our own gas, our car insurance, buy our own clothes, we did our own laundry, we did most of what we needed. Matt's mom .....I dunno where she comes from. She basically said she doesn't agree with that, and because she works with kids with behavior problems she knows all that is best for children. How bout we raise our kids how we want, not how she wants. This also makes me want to move. Like for example...when we were having this discussion, Matt said "Like if my kid comes home saying they are out of gas in their car and have no money for more, I'm not going to give them any money". If they were stranded somewhere, yes, we would help them out. But if they were careless with their money and bought clothes/video games/whatever instead of setting some aside for what they need (gas) we want them to learn their lesson that Mom and Dad aren't always going to be there to help them. When you're on your own and married you can't call on them to pay for your gas can you? Sure we will show them mercy at times, but not every time, that teaches them dependance and taht they always get thier way. Anyway- after Matt said that his Mom says "Well they can come to their grandma and she will buy them gas". It made me so mad we decided to go home. No, my kids will not grow up learning that Gma will do for them what Mom and dad wont. How will they ever learn their lessons?

We are really praying to meet people who support us, or for an opportunity to move somehwere were people do. We just don't think we can stay in Tulsa forever with the mindset his family has. It just drags us down....

I'm in love with another man...

well, a 5 month old boy, that is.

Henry fell asleep on me today. It made me want to cry. He was fussin up a storm so I picked him up, and no sooner than I put his passy in his mouth, his head fell to my shoulder and he was alseep. I didn't think he was ready for a nap seeing as he just woke up a little over an hour ago...I guess our stroll around the neighborhood wore him out.

But just seeing him sleeping on my shoulder was the absolute cutest thing. I wish somebody had been here to take a picture. Made me all that more excited to see Carly in 16 days!!

I live a very blessed life.

Also..new pics are up!

Say it ain't so..

This weekend we celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary.

I can't believe it's been two whole years! And then I think...it's ONLY been 2 years?

Seems like so long, yet like no time at all.

Our actual 2 years is on Monday, but since we both have to work we are celebrating tomorrow. We're gonna sleep in as late as we want (YES!), have a picnic at the park, relax and read at the park, then later go see United 93 at the DOllar Theater. Doesn't sound like much maybe, but we looooove just chillin at the park. We both love to be outdoors and the park we go to here is AWESOME. So many pretty trees and it's so huge no matter where you sit, you have privacy. ANd we love going to the dollar theater. I dont think we have paid regular price for a movie in forever. Things come to the dollar theater so fast these days it's worth the wait...plus, I can't justify paying 8 bucks for a movie ticket...no movie is ever worth it.

Anyway...Happy anniversary to me! And Mattie!