Ga ga goo goo

Well...Nothing much new here. I am just so excited at the possibility of getting pregnant. I hope it happens quickly!!

Room for improvement

Lately I've been doing something...weird. It's like I am able to step outside myself and examine all my thoughts and actions, etc etc. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm here, but I'm also out there, watching the me who is here. What' bothers me most about this is that the me who is outside watching doesn't like the me that it is watching. I've noticed lately how angry I am. I've also found myself thinking thoughts that, in my own opinion, I don't normally think. For example, the other night we had some friends over for dinner. We've been friends with them for maybe a month and half. I like them a lot, but over dinner they revealed that they are moving to Kansas City in August, I feel like normally I would have been thinking "Awww man, just when we make some friends they go and leave us", but instead I thought "Eh...well, why get close?" And then right after I thought that, I thought "Who ARE you? Why are you thinking this way?" It's like I have been carrying on a constant conversation with myself...It's almost like I feel pretty much dis-attached (is that a word) from pretty much everybody except for Matt and Henry. And my family. And then not even my whole family.
I don't know.
I don't like myself.
I don't like my body.
I don't like much anymore.
I don't want to take medicine for this.
I want to think happy thoughts.
I want to get off the couch and exercise.
I want to not be so tired all the time.
I want to have better control of my spending habits.
I want to eat healthier.
I want to be different than who I am.

There are no words.

Welcome to the jungle

Upon arrival of my 24th birthday, I started thinking about my life and evaluating my actions, who I am, what am I doing...
and I decided that I wasn't really acting like an adult. Or, thats the best I could come up with anyway.
I look back on our past two years here...and most of them have been spent at Grandma Ruthies house, eating dinner, watching tv, running around with Matt's mom....seeing Matt's family more than seeing Matt. We started bickering about EVERYTHING and stopped hanging out in the bedroom near as much (if ya know what I mean.)
So, this last month, Matt and I decided that we would go to Grandma's no more. We will go say hey every now and then, but no more eating there, staying all night, etc etc..
And can I just say how much our marraige has changed in the past two weeks since we havent been over there? I mean, I am coming home from work..Cooking dinner, we are eating together at our table, Matt is helping me wash dishes, I am keeping the apartment clean, we are HANGING OUT TOGETHER and we havnet bickered once I dont think!!
I feel like we were so...dependent on Grandma and matts mom without even knowing it. And now I feel free and I dont even want to go over there. I love my life with my husband, I love sitting by him on the couch and dreaming with him, cooking him dinner and ironing his EMSA uniforms...
This whole housewife/adult jungle is different from the jungle I allowed myself to be in these past two years...but I love it. its a much more relaxing place to be.

Drama drama drama

I always joke that when I became a Loerke, I inhereted the gene that calls for any and all form of drama to enter my life. I dont think my life was so eventful when I was just an Oglesby. But here in Tulsa, there is some dramatic event happening to us Loerkes every day. Mostly it deals with Matts mom and sisters, but this week the drama bug has landed upon me.

It started yesterday, the first day of my job. I am in the Frog class, which is next door to the Turtle class. My darling Henry is in the Turtle class, and the Frogs and Turtles do lots of activities together. So...Yesterday we took the Frogs to the commons (the play pit in the middle of all the toddler classes) and I look over at the Frog class to see Henry looking at me out the little window on the bottom half of the door. I froze....I didn't know what to do, because I knew if he got near me, he wouldnt leave my side, and I wanted him to have fun at school and make friends. And before I could stop myself, i felt my arm raising and begin waving at Henry. His eyes got real big and he just started wailing!! So i went over there and rubbed his head and said hey and he just cried and cried and reached for me going "Aymuh!!". His teacher said I could pick him up, since they were coming to play with us anyway. Well, when playtime was over it was time for the kids to line up at the door to their classroom, and Henry went to my door. I told him it was time to go to his room and that I would see him later....so he reluctantly went, sobbing the whole way. About 2 minutes later his teacher came in and asked if we wanted to trade Kate for Henry because he was just beside himself without me. So we traded and he cried basically the whole rest of the day whenever I tried to put him down and coach him to play, he held onto my neck so tight....poor Henry. I just love that kid so much.

So today they call me and ask if I can come in early and sub for a teacher, i say sure I will be there after i get my TB test read. SO I make a sandwich for the car and on my way out of the apartment parking lot, my sandwich starts to fall apart..so instead of watching the road I am fixing my sandwich and drive right up onto a big curb and pop a hole in my tire the size of a nickel and bend the rim really bad. I have to call work say..sorry, i wrecked myself, cant come in. Matt had to ocme get me so I could ahve my tb test read before 11 ..........

Drama drama.

Hi ho, hi ho, off to work I go..

Well, drumroll please...I got a job today!!

I will be working at Riverfield Country Day School as a part time teacher in the 1-3 year old classes. They have 4 classes, so I think I will be be in two of them. There are 22 teachers for these kids alone, so I have many chances to be a substitute also. I think this job is right down my ally! I am pretty much decided on getting my bachelors in Early Childhood Development, and hopefully being a preschool teacher or something, I just looove love love little kids! I think they like me too. I mean, i went in the Frog class to meet the teachers I will be working with, and this kid walked right up to me and held his hands out for me to hold him. That happens to me a lot with kids. Some people just attract them, I guess I am one of those people.

Anyhow, I will get to work this job and still get to nanny Henry on Tuesdays which I am so glad about! He is my buddy and I just love him so much! Yesterday he asked me to snuggle with him..so cute. He address me for every request (read: demand) that he is. All day yesterday it was "Amy, big jump" "Amy, chair" "Amy, draw"...Amy, milk. Amy juice. Amy AMy Amy. It's actualy more like Aymuh. I love Henry!!!

Tonight is Bethanys 16th bday and we are celebrating at The Cheesecake Factory! I have never been, and it just opened in Tulsa, so I am excited for some of that!

Mattie has a sinus, ear and bladder infection. Pobre sito!!

Well, I ended up with tickets to the PGA for Saturday so that was real exciting!!

Friday we are leaving for Alabama!!! I cant wait to see everybody- but especially my beautyful nieces and sister!!!!!!! This is my bday present from Mattie. He loves me.

I am looking forward to the Woerner-Q. (thats bar-b-q). Cant wait to see my cousins and get to know yall better!! And talk face to face instead of facebook to facebook. He he.

I just cleaned out every cabinet in Grandma ruthies kitchen. It was the filthiest kitchen i have ever laid eyes on.

The End.

Sea-don't

I rode a sea-doo for the first time in my life on Saturday. I never want to ride one again. My entire body is sore, I had a panic attack, and seriously thought about bailing and swimming back the half mile to the marina. that's how much i didn't like it.

On another note, we are hopefully going to Anniston for labor day weekend. My mattie hasn't even Met olivia yet, and hasn't seen Carly since october, so he is really wanting to do. Any donations to the gas fund are welcome. Hehe, i am kidding.

Nothing is new here in Oklahoma. The PGA Championship is here this week, and I so wish I had a ticket, but i dont think I will miss sitting int he 100 degree weather. The heat came just in time for all the out of towners to see what OK really as like. We've had a pretty mild summer until last week. Now this week we are looking at th 100's, with heat indexes of about 115. YIKES! Thank God for water bottles to mist yourself with, eh?

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow

Well..Tomorrow my deary deary sister is moving 14 hours closer to me!

Woohoo!!!

Birfday Smirfday

In North Carolina, people say "birfday" instead of "birthday". That has always drived me crazy.

Next month I will turn 24. I go to the computer and look at all the beautiful North Face jackets that cost way too much, or the 200+ dollar camera lenses that would be so awesome to have, or a good tripod for my camera....and make a mental list of what I want for my birthday.

And then my mother in law asks me what I want, and I can't think of anything. Why? I come to the conclusion that I have everything I need. I have an AMPLE amount of blankets for the cold, I have shoes and clothes spilling out of my closet, I have food in my fridge, and oscilliating fans for when my apartment gets too hot. I have some great friends here in Tulsa. I have tickets to go see Counting Crows next month, my favorite person April is moving to Alabama this week.........I have no complaints.

I guess I think this...why do we have to want stuff for our birthday? There is always going to be things I want, like that beautiful North Face Windwall 1 jacket, or the Canon 70mm-200mm lens....but if the money were in my hand, and I got to spend with it how I choose, i probably wouldn't buy either of those things. I'd probably stick it in the offering basket at church. Everytime money comes in my hands I want to give it away. Matt tells me there is a time to keep it to help with things, but I always hate that. I always want to give it back. I'm not saying this so that it looks like I am a person who gives all the time, or am trying brag...I'm just saying is all.

SO what do I want for my birthday? A job, that would be great. A nice evening spent with Matt. Some Vanilla Blue Belle's with Candy Corns and some Carrot Cake with Cream Cheese icing.






And that north face jacket.

My Oklahoma Family

My Oklahoma Momma, Gma and Sisters, and brother...and husband...



Me and Becka, she just turned 14


My newest brother Dani and Mary mi hermana


My Okie Dokie Momma and Gma, the greatest cook ever!!

Our new scooter

This thing is lots of fun to ride!!! Wheee!!

So, today we are selling Matts car to the Toyota dealership. They offered us 5,000, which is right at blue book value, so I guess that's pretty good. We're gonna go pick out a scooter this week. We pretty much have one in mind, but we also want one that can handle both of us on the Interstate ...because these puppies get anywhere between 60-80 miles a gallon. And it's about 5-600 miles to Anniston. Which means we will use maybe 20 gallons of gas...which means it will cost us only about 60 bucks- round trip. Versus the close to 200 it would cost us before. Can we say nice? I think so. The only prob is scooters and motorcycles aren't allowed on the Turnpikes here, and we have to take the turnpike to get out of Tulsa...but we'll figure it out. So we are hoping for a visit to the Hawbabys in September for Labor day. I hope so. I do miss my sister a lot. She's my most favorite person after Mattie.

In other news...we turned in our bills to church, and it looks like they are gonna pay what we gave them..which is about 470 dollars worth of bills. This leaves us with 200 extra dollars that we can pay towards debt! Awoo-hoo!

The critter man is coming to capture the critter (who from now on is referred to as Roofus). Oh, did I not mention him? We have a BEAST living in our roof in the sunroom. Sounds like a dog. We named him Roofus, since he is on the roof...so hopefuly he can capture this guy.

Back to more stock charts!

I got chills..they're multiplyin'

Well, I found out today that Henry's mom is pregnant....WITH TWINS!!!! We are all SO excited because they have tried en-vitro (however it is spelled) for the past liek 6 years and when it did work, she had miscarraiges. SHe is 9 weeks pregnant and is GUSHING with excitement as am I...

Why? Well when I found out it was twins I just spazzed, because one night in May, the week of her egg retreival, Matt and I were praying for her and that this would just work and as I was praying I said something to the effect of..God, maybe even bless her with some twins AND HE DID!!!!!!!!!!

I dunno. It's so amazing what prayer can do. I'm not saying that my prayer alone is what made her pregnant with twins, because God already knew what He wanted for her but MAN that is so cool! I am soooooooo excited for her!!!!!!!! Yay for babies!!!!!

Well I just applied for a job at Best Buy, and tomorrow I am going to go turn in another application at the University of Oklahoma. Apparently my last one never got to where it needed to go, according to the human resources department. Whatever that means. I really want this OU jon, they have great benefits!! And 5 weeks paid vacation, you cant beat that.

Pray that this all goes well, please!! I need a job NOW!

Real Men Love Jesus

This bumper sticker has always bothered me......It sounds so..seclusive? When I see it just makes me want to puke. I mean what kind of message is that sending to men who dont love jesus? That they arent a man? It just seems so rude to me. I don't see anywhere in the Bible that says you aren't a man if you don't love Jesus. Maybe it does, but I don't recall ever seeing anything like that. I studied the New and Old testament in College, and dont once remember focusing on the fact that loving Jesus makes you a man. A man to me is a mature male who does what he can to take care of and provide for his family, who loves his family, doesn't act like a child and isn't irresponsible. Sure, I would prefer a man who loves Jesus, but on my list of what makes a man a man, that isn't like the only qualification.

I dunno, I guess it just bothers me all these little "Christian" sayings we have. Some of them seem so demeaning to those who choose not to believe...it's just embarrasing sometimes.

What a lovely day..

to have a slice of humble pie. (figuratively speaking, that is).

So...while talking to a friend from church, who works there kind of, she suggested that Matt and I go talk to them to seek some financial help. She said they really helped her and her husband when neither of them had a job. She said for us to copy the bills we cant pay and bring them in, and the church should help.

I gotta tell ya we feel REALLY embarrassed to be doing this. But we wrote down all the bills we pay, and it ends up we are (without me having a job) spending 228 more dollars a month than we actually bring in. So....we've been kinda just trusting God to get things payed. We only budget 200 dollars a month for grocerys, so I figure if they could at least give us some gift cards to Wal Mart (which she said they did for her) and pay our internet bill, that would help us out as much as we need.

We prayed we wouldn't be so embarrassed. Matt's sister is the receptionist/administrative assitant at our church, so she pretty much knows everything that goes on....so I am sure she will know about this, and then go and tell Matt's mom, and then they will all question us over lunch about how come they didnt know we were struggling this much.

I'm not writing this as a way to complain, or make you feel bad and send me $$, I am just saying it's HARD to ask for help!!! Especially from your church. I don't know why. Because part of what they are there for is to help out others, ya know? And why wouldn't God want to bless us this way?

Why cant I just find a job!??!!!!

The bank offered me a job at 7.50 an hour. i had to say no, because I would have to get another job on top of htat....and to make ends meet by covering matts expenses, i would have to find another 8 dollar job, along with the bank, and work 88 hours a week. not gonna happen. that is just too much work, ya know?

we put for sale signs up in matts car, so if we can sell it we will use some of that $$ to live off of, which gives me a little longer than 3 weeks to find a job. a lady at church wants me to babysit her THREE boys for 8 bucks an hour for a couple of days. thats so not worth the money or time. she lives forever and a day away...plus 8 dollars for THREE kids is a rip off. i got that with one kid. the nanny lady bailed on me also, she said 10 dollars was too much for her to afford. her loss, eh?

alright......guess i better go print some stocks for my mom.

Got a bandaid?

I hurt. All around me, couples that are close to me are just falling apart. I got news yesterday of my cousin and his wife who are getting a divorce*. All I could do is cry. I mean.....does anybody else in my life want to break up their marraige? Please just go ahead and do it will the wounds are still fresh and before I scab over.

I hurt like this is happening to me....I am so thankful it's not, but if I don't look out, dont keep things right with God, dont love my husband like I should...it could.

Today I prayu for all of our marraiges. May they be blessed beyond all measures and filled with more love we could ever dream of.

*that is a cousin on matt's side...so nobody worry. sorry maclaren and erica for any confusion!!