Precious.

I love this kid!!!

Even walls fall down

I feel like I've had this wall up around me for....a long time now. I know God was [is] there, but..I just couldn't "feel" it. I couldn't get into worship at church, I couldn't pay attention...it's like I felt like I was drifting further and further away....

Anyway, the other night my friend Lili and I went to see Michael W. Smith in concert. It was amazing and a great time of worship and I felt like my walls finally come down. I finally felt like the only thing between me and God was my actual flesh. It was great! God has been showing up so much around my little world in Tulsa lately and it was so great to FEEL it too. I cant explain it. I just...I have been a much happier person ever since.

I'm also happy because on FRIDAY I leave to see my family!!! Wahooo!!

Also, I am searching high and low for a full time job that is NOT retail or food related. Please keep this in your prayers as I need a job TOMORROW basically.

Also, I am very excited that April and Joel and the girls are moving back to Alabama!!! This means I will basically be a whole day closer to my family. And undoubtedly, mom and dad will have to migrate that way also...sooo...this is just good all the way around. Now I just gotta get Maclareica closer.

OH yeah! Today we are going to sign our lease and put down a deposit for our new apartment. I will post pictures when I can get in there. It is DARLING! AND we are so excited!

Tomorrow is Mom's birthday- Happy Birthday Momma!!

Well...not counting the day of my arrival, 11 days until I see my family!!!!!!

My God is so big

So strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do..

Remember that song? Thats what I am singing right now. Why? Well..drumroll please...

The apartment leasing company settled on giving us $2400 to pay for the damages to our car!!!! THis means we dont have to claim it on insurance, we dont have to pay our 500 dollar deductible and we dont have to pay the 50 extra bucks a month taht would increase our insurance! And that means GOD ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS!

We were singing a song in church on sunday and I was just closing my eyes, and I felt like I heard God just telling me "Stop worrying. It's going to be okay. Why cant you just trust me?" and I replied with "Cause it's so hard. Money doesnt exactly flow from volcanoes around here in case you hadn't noticed..." And He said "I noticed. But you made 30 dollars yesterday, how bout giving that to me?" "But I need that for grocerys this week, Lord.." "But...trust me, I will take care of you". "sigh...Okay...". So, I gave my money up. And i felt just this sense of peace and encouragement. And look, everything IS okay. WHy is it so easy to trust God when everything is good, but when it's "nopt good", it's so hard? I'm listening to that Overcoming Impossibilites that mom had me download..it's awesome!!

But I am just so excited! Matt has been needing new tires and brakes. And his whole backside of his car fixed. We found a mechanic here who will find use parts and hopefully fix our car for $1000, that leaves us $1400 left for 300 dollar tires and like 75 dollar brake discs. SCORE FOR US AND PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!

ALSO...to add to the post. Mattie just called me and..we've found this apartment for $450 a month, water trash sewer is paid..its' 900 square feet and has a SUN ROOM!!!!!!!!! ie...a room full of windows which has been my dream for...FOREVER. MOm you can come be a lizard with me. This apartment is darling and we are going to look at it Friday afternoon. I pray this works out because...it's cheaper then our rent now, and bigger than our apartment now...its just perfect.

Uncertainty

Did I spell that right?

SO, I had a chat with Henry's mom (Amy is her name) today. The scoop is....Henry's dad (Clint) basically got fired or something from his job. He has been an orthodontist with this guy for the past two years, and in the past few months they have been preparing to go into partnership together. And suddenly the head Ortho tells Clint he doesnt want to be partner anymore, so Clint is basically left looking for a new job. THis may not happen right away. So this leaves me in limbo. I may only have a few sweet weeks left with Henry. My buddy. Makes me so sad to think about!!!! I hate the thought of missing out on his life...he is changing so much day to day. I told Amy she cant get rid of me that fast and that I will come over and play...ah me....The good news is that in the meantime I do have a backup job for the summer....but after that, I am sort of stuck. But I may still be with Henry. Who knows. Just pray that everything works out for me and for the Emersons (Henrys family).

____________
And a side note for you B'Ham dwellers:

On May 23, my friends band Jackson Waters will be playing somewhere in Bham (not announced where yet) with Building 429, I belive. They are both christian bands...I think you should check out Jackson Waters and if you are free that night go see them! They are a lot like matchbox twenty style, so if you like that, you will like them. They also had a song of thiers play on "One Tree Hill" on the WB..or CW..whatever it is now. CHeck them out now at http://www.myspace.com/jacksonwaters, or you can preview both of their albums on iTunes.

Why worry, when you can pray?

My dad used to sing me that song (well not always but he did a couple times) when I would be so worried about whatever my daily worry was. (i'm a major worry-wart). He obviously did it enough for me to remember...

Anyway, this month has been a month of worry and complaining for me. I can sit here and mope and think "why me? why now?" ...but then I can reflect on what HAS been great this month.

Sure, Matt wrecked the car, sure I have a toothache that feels like...fire shooting up into my cheek. Sure our rent is about to go up. SUre my pants ripped...

But just this week alone we were able to get out of over 1,000 dollars in debt. WE HAD THAT MUCH MONEY LYING AROUND! We just didnt realize. So that is GREAT!!!

I look around at my apartment and I realize I have everything I need. I even have so much furniture that some of it doesnt even get sat on. (april and mom, you know that blue chair...we've decided to donate it to the garage sale. yay!!). I have 400 blankets on my bed to please the husband who likes heavy blankets, I have clothes on my back, and a mother in law and sister in law who are the exact size as me, so we can share clothes. I have a momma that is flying me down to visit which i am sooooooooo excited about.

I just have a lot. More than I need. So I am greatful.

also i added some pics to my photo blog. scroll down on this page on the right and there is a link that says "my pictures". you can see them there. check em out!

Lent, take 2...and action!

Well. Lent ended on Easter for us. We immediately went back to our sugar eating ways...and decided we have a major addiction to food. Namely anything with added sugars, high fructose corn syrup, etc etc...

So we are fasting again. From all. Even diet soda, sugar free jello, ....because we were using that to replace the sugar, so we weren't really solving any problems. Also, I didnt spend any of that time offering my heart to Jesus, w hich is what I really wanted to do. So I felt convicted to do it over again, and Matt decided to join me. We didnt set a time limit, we're just gonna go with it.

In other news, the leasing company for our apartment called and asked matt to get a damage estimate from three places, turn those in, and then go from there. So I guess this means they will pay for some? I would he bappy if they just gave us free rent for 6 months or so. That would be nice. Either way, it's an answer to prayer that we might not have to claim this on our insurance. Whoopie!!

Its so cold and rainy. A perfect day for chili. So, I've got it in the crockpot. Tonight we will eat it over macaroni noodles- mmm mmm good!

I farted in front of Henry today, and he died laughing. It was really cute! He says "baba" (Bible) "Touujfy784y" (thank you) "moomoo" (Cow), "Cah!" (car)....and today he even said "one, two three" (it was more like mm, mmm,. mmmmm). But I know thats what he was saying cause we had been couting his three toy letters.

Ummmm..THat's all folks.

This is my life:

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words. - Ellen DeGeneres


This quote may be by Ellen, but I think I came up with it first.

Oops!

Mattie backed into the budget box in our apartment parking lot. It was dark, there are no street lights.

My pants (third pair) ripped. I keep having to buy new ones.

All of these stresses make me feel like...AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

But then, I go online to check out my rewards points from my credit card, and I realize...after this next bill is payed, I should have enough to cash in for a $100 gift card to Gap or Old Navy, so that will cover me getting new pants, and keep us out of debt!

As for the car...we have a 500 dollar deductible....but God is good and has never left us or forsaken us.

Wow!

While searching a totally unrelated website today, I was directed to http://www.craigslist.org, which directed me to apartments for rent in tulsa...which directed me to an answer to prayer.

And that would be an apartment for $450 a month, with all bills pay, which is exactly what Matt and I have been praying for.

It is a garage apartment, which means we would be downsizing a LOT, but I am okay with that. I actually want to downsize. I am tired of having so much stuff...plus, there is an attic that we can store stuff in.

THis place is really nice too. New pergo floors, new paint, it just looked really cute. The bills even include cable (which we dont even have!) and WIFI internet!

I just pray this is still available (it was posted march 13) and that we can do this! Pray with me! If we move here it would free up about 200 dollars a month which would really help towards paying off our debt.

What's new pussycat? Whoa whoa whoa whoaaa

What is new?

46 days till I see my family. Although, it's not so much seeing my fam as it is seeing bits and peices of them over a weeks period. It's all sort of weird. I'm not expecting to see Dad much. He makes plans and then sort of fakes out on them. Says he'll do something and doesn't do it. I'm not sure what to think about him right now anyways. In a way I am sort of dreading that part. I'm just being honest. I am insanely excited about spending time with my Momma, though. I disliked her for so long, and now I think I miss her more than anybody. And my sister. And my nieces. Gosh golly. And my brother and Erica. And my dad, too. It's just weird. The whole family dynamic ....is gone? Is it? It's changed. I dont know where I fit. I dont know what to think. I dont know, I don't know, I don't know.

I do know my head hurts, my husband is not home, and I won't really see him till Friday, I am avoiding my research paper on Lactose Intolerance (most boring topic EVER), I finally got approved for financial aid, and I should hopefully be graduating with my Associates in December.

I know............

but I don't know.

I get to see Olivia in May!!

E for Effort?

I would just like to announce, that since the first time since 3rd grade, I am making A's in my College courses.

WAHHHY!!!!!!!!!!!

It feels to good to feel smart!! Haha!

Pictures

Hey I've got some pics of Olivia on snapfish but I dont have you guys emails! So if you want to see my adorable niece, gimme your email and I will send em!!!

that's all i've got of my sweetie neice...I am sure April will surface with some when she is feeling up to! I am sure me calling her and keep begging for pics isn't helping.

I put up new photos on mi otro blog.

SHE'S HERE!!

Olivia Grace Hawbaker is here!!

8 pounds 11 ounces and 20 1/2 inches.
Joel said she's the exact same weight and height as Carly, but she has less hair on her head than Carly did. It's still dark. And everybody says she looks JUST LIKE Carly when Carly was born.

YAY for the Miracle of Birth!!!!

Yay!!!

This time next week I will have another niece!!

I am SOOO EXCITED!!!!

Oooh how I wish I could hold her, but I will Carly do it instead. :) She's gonna be such a good helper, Apes. I am praying that she can adjust well to another person getting attention. And if not, send her here and I will stuff her with swiss cake rolls. :)

Friends are friends forever...

Wayull...We've lived here 2 years and I am finally making some girl friends!!

Camera shy

I can't explain how I feel when I am behind a camera, but I love it. It's something so personal to me. When I am behind a camera I am able to capture the world as I see it. I think I see things a little differently than a majority of the people. I look at my homework spread out across the table and I think "wow, that's a cool composition", so I take a picture of it. I like the way my sandwich looks when I have taken a bite out of it...so I snap a picture. I think I see things differently. I also feel sort of vulnerable behind a camera. I don't want people to see me behind it. I feel embarrassed. Like somebody is reading my journal and gathering all my most precious thoughts. I don't like it. But I love it. Make sense?

I think I am going to try and find a photography school instead of pursuing psychology. Jojo, Dad, Maclaren, Mattie and the rest of my fam talked me into it. If taking pics is what I love, then why am I kidding myself by trying something else?

And then at the same time I try and talk myself out of this...why? I don't think I can capture photos of people very well.

But so what? WHo says I have to take pics of people? And who says I can' improve?

I'm just talking to myself here.

I thought I had lost one of my most favorite cd's and today after MONTHS of looking for it, I found it. I am ecstatic.