Job update

So, the bank interview went really good until they told me they only pay 7.50 an hour. I am looking for at least 8, and preferably 10 so that I can support us totally while Matt is in school next semester. Sooo... we will see. It's also only part time with 34 hours a week, which isnt enough, and the schedules arent totally set, so getting a 2nd job would be kind of tricky.

I did however get a call today from a woman at my church who is looking for a nanny a couple days a week starting in august. I told her I charge 10 bucks an hour, so we'll go from there and see how that pans out. My sister in law thinks 10 bucks an hour is too much, but judging from gas prices which dont seem to be lowering anytime soon, and the taxes I have to take out for my checks, It comes out to about 8 bucks. But this would be a set schedule, so I could find a job for the days I am not nannying. ALso, the kid is 14 months old which is such a fun time because they are learning new stuff all the time!! I pray this works out because I looove to nanny.

The nannying wouldn't start until August, and we are praying I can get a job by the end of this month. If not, Matt may have to deny his scolarship and hold off on this schooling program...which will putt him behind in nursing school, so PLEASE PLEASE be praying for something to work out SOON!

We are taking his car to get cleaned this week, then slapping some for sale signs in it. We could use the money, and can get 6 thousand easy for his car so...pray that that sells also.

Well....that's all for now. Wait, one more prayer request- I have a test in govt tomorrow, and judging from my last test (i got a 61) i am very weary of doing good on this...so. yeah...

Pics from downtown tulsa

Job

I have a job intervie with a bank at 2 today. Pray!! I feel so nervous......handling cash..eek!!

Pics from Anniv. date!

This is the Riverwalk Crossing in Jenks (kinda like oxford, alabama). There are lots of shops, restraunts, and a amphitheater all in front of the smelly Arkansas River. They have free concerts every weekend throughout the summer- in fact, Shane and Shane and Todd Agnew are coming- for free! We like to hang out here a lot in the summer.



Just cheesin in the car..

Walkin hand in hand along the riverside

Big feet, little feet

Rotten fruit, pt 2

Since my post about being rotten, I have felt much better. I spent a lot of time praying and worshipping alone in my apartment after that and I feel like a new person. I have been praying and having my quiet times regularly and wadda ya know? I feel GREAT!

Now. A few posts back I told you about our friend Blaine who is very ill. I was talking with Lili yesterday about Blaine, and we both shared that lately we have felt so much love for him. Like, not in a attracted to Blaine way but I think it's agape. Or something. I don't know how to explain it. He is feeling so scared and confused right now, and I honestly think God is allowing Lili and I to love Blaine for Him. I mean, I know God shows him love, but I dunno that Blaine can see that. But I think Blaine seeing it through me and Lili, will reveal God's love to him. Does that make sense? I almost have this feeling that this is our last summer with Blaine, and I want to make sure that if it is, he goes knowing how much he was loved by us and Jesus.

Matt let me shave his head and beard last night, and I must say he is much more attractive. I think he looks like Bruce Willis. Aye aye!

Tomorrow is our anniversarry. Thanks for the e-card, Karen! We are going to the starlight concert at the river amphiteather. Don't know who is playing, but hey it's free, and we are all about free stuff. Plus, outside concerts are just great. Minus the horrific smell of the Arkansas river, and 10 times more chiggers than you will ever see in a pile of pine straw and bama, it should be fun.

Well, off to pring off stock charts for Momma!

UPDATE!!! I just got a call from Lili that Blaine's brother is a perfect bone marrow match, so now they can proceed with a bone marrow transplant that could potentially cure this all!!!

Rotten fruit

My heart has felt bitter, cynical and angry a lot. I really have just felt so stinking angry lately. And cynical. And bitter. All like I just said. I have had zero tolerance for ANYTHING so much so that it's been not pretty for Matt. Please pray for my heart guys. I want so desperately to display love, joy, peace, patience kindness goodness...you know, those SWEET fruits. My fruits right now are rotten and nobody wants a rotten apple.

Sheesh

Next Tuesday is my 3 year wedding anniversary!! I cant believe it has been 3 years already. And I'm only 23 years old...So young still. We currently dont have any celebration plans..suggestions are welcome.

Also, I added a photo slideshow to my photo blog. Check it out! you can get the link to it in my profile. enjoy them!

Goals

Well, Karen's post of her goals for the summer, and recent conversation with my dad got me to thinking about goals. It is very rare that you will see my dad without a yellow legal pad and pen in hand. I asked him the other day what is he always writing? He told me he was making goals. He makes goals for everything..so much so that he said he has a daily goal to get his feet out of the bed, onto the floor and get up. He said that was a joke..but it got me to thinking. What are my daily goals? I want to have them. Sometimes for me getting out of bed IS a chore..so why not make it a goal? So I pulled out one of my journals last night and decided to start making a list of goals I want to accomplish for the next day. At the end of the day I will review my goals for the day and see what I accomplished. It's basically like a to do list...but I find it is more exciting setting goals to acheive rather than just things to do. I dont work well making schedules for myself, because i get spazzed out if I miss a time frame on my schedule and then I feel paralyzed for the rest of the day......they dont call me Aunt Spazzy for nuttin', y'all.

So..thought I would share my Idea!

Wow

I made the Deans Honor Roll for the last semester. I havent made the honor roll since the third grade. I would put exclamation points but the shift key is not working...so I sound less than thrilled but I am really excited..........pretend those are exlcamation points

Three cheers for a hot shower! Yep thats right, we finally got the oil issue worked out and I can now cook and take a shower! Just in time to have all our friends over tonight..woohoo!!

Speaking of friends, our friend Blaine has been diagnosed with Aplastic Anemia, which is really rare. It's basically the bone marrow attacking the blood he is making so he has to keep having blood transfusions. He's actually going to have a bone marrow transplant here in a week or so. Please keep him in your prayers, because he is really scared! I've been reading about this online and they used to just call it fatal. Some new treatments are beginning to surface, however, and we hope they can help Blaine. Him and Matt have been best friends since like 1st grade I think. We are having him and his friends over tonight for "Blaine Appreciation Night". it will be fun! I cant shake this weird feeling that this summer we need to spend as much time with him as possible .....

Anyway. To answer Karen, the job is still continuing. Apparently Home Depot and Old Navy dont even want me! I need something though so please keep praying!!!!!!!

The Hawbakers are in Anniston this week and it is KILLING ME knowing they are so close but I cant go down! Oh well, they are busy anyways.

If any of you watch the news, you may see something about Tulsa today. 50 years ago they buried a Plymouth Belvedere and a time capsule to be dug up on Oklahomas 100th Bday (today, i think). They dug the car up at noon today and people from all over the world came to watch. There are novacancies in any hotel here either. It is crazy! And I would just like to say I live exactly one mile from where the car was buried. I was hoping I could hear peole cheering but alas, I did not.

STILL no hot water! I know, i know..it is very very frustrating.

The heat in our bedroom was unbearable so we went and a bought a window a/c unit. I slept so much better last night. Our apartment had two units already...but a third one sure did help. I remember april and joels first place only had one, right by the bathroom, and it only cooled off the 3 feet surrounding the bathroom. so you all had to gather in the 3x3 hall just to cool off. only, it wasnt very cool cause you were crowded in there with other 2 people trying to get the air as well. a vicious cycle, if you ask me.

Matt sort of got accosted by a drunk man, who claimed to be a member of the Cripts? Cripps? How is it spelled? the other day. I ran inside and called the police. He was arressted for public intoxication, and now we live our lives in fear. Well okay, not fear but we are more cautious. He coulda had a gun!! You never know.

Summer school is going good....

Movin on up..

So..we still dont have the gas turned on, but we are going to start staying at our apartment anyways. The deal is, the gas company thinks that our address doesnt exist....so they cant turn on gas at a nonexistent place. We are in apartment B, but the only one that shows up on maps or something is Apartment A. People are already living there, so they obviously have gas....The owner is supposed to call and prove that we have gas, but he is out of town this week, so it is hard to get a hold of him.

So even though we cant cook or take hot showers over there...we are dying to get out of Grandma Ruthies house. As anybody would want to. It's so dusty here and so much dog hair my allergies go nuts!!!

Summer school started this week. I am taking math and american fed. governement. Govt is kind of interesting, ....i thought i would hate it. I am sort of upset because financial aid wont let me take any classes unless they are absolutely necessary to earn my degree. I have so many hours, i guess it looks like i have been freeloading these past 4 yeras of school. although the first time i ever recieved financial aid was last semester. I am just bummed cause i wanted to take photography again. Hey....that reminds me, i should look for jobs at photo studios! aha!

Well....that's all for now. matts mom is paying me to clean out grandma ruthies bedroom to get it ready for new carpet or hardwood floors. its hard with grandma looming over me making sure i throw nothing away. she holds on to EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!! so dirty and dusty in there.

we should finish up the unpacking tomorrow, and then i will take pics of our new place to share with everybody!

have a great weekend! go see oceans 13 it looks great!!

La la la la life goes on...

Well. Still sleeping on an air bed at grandmas house. Gas still not turned on.

I had a job interview today at this company called Paychex. They offered me a temporary position, with the same I am making at Henrys, and less hours. Also, the manager was looking down my dress the whole time. needless to say, i was extremely uncomfortable and will call tomorrow declining the position. I would be working directly with that man and I dont want to.

Pleaseeee be praying that the right job comes along SOON. I am resorting to the mall in looking for jobs, and will spend my time applying at the mall tomorrow...we will see.

Lets see...so we moved our stuff into our apartment last saturday, and have been sleeping at Matts' Gma's on the floor ever since. It has been one drama filled even after another, and I am at my wits end with my attitude. ONG (the gas co) was supposed to come turn on the gas on the 31st, so yesterday we tried it...no hot water, the gast stove wont come on...so apparently, the gas is not on. Morons, right? I feel that way, anyways.

I am so ready to move out of here and into my own house. To make matters even better, my stone bruise has flared up on my heel big time and I am basically walking on my tippy toes to keep the pressure off....not so much conducive to unpacking boxes for hours on end, right?

But what is good? My husband loves me. I am fortunately sleeping good, even on a matress made of couch cushions. I am not sure how to spell cushions. Oh well.

I cant express enough how excited I am for April and Joel to move back to Alabama. Just the possibility that my family is ACTUALLY CLOSE is huge!!!!!!!!! I also think it's cool that Carly and Olivia will get to go play at the playground that we did as kids. And see our old house, etc etc. Just so cool, i think.

I really dont want to raise lazy kids. I love being near matts family because it helps me know how I want and do not want to be and raise my kids. Ha! As bad as that sounds, it is so true.

Hmmm....glad to see the Woerner clan is joining facebook. I for one am additcted. You will be soon, too.

Well, I guess that's all the thoughts rambling around in my head for today..

A case of the Mondays

I think I have had a case of the Mondays since last saturday....its like I cannot get out of this bad mood! Help me!!!

Gone in 60 seconds

While I was in NC last week, my mom came up with this idea that if we had something to complain about, we only got 60 seconds to speak our minds, and then we had to forever hold our peice. Well, today was moving day in the Loerke household, and I bottled up all my complaints for "60 seconds" on my blog. It's a safe haven, since nobody in matt's family knows about this, and most of my complaints are about them. So, t-minus 60 and counting:

-matts mom got really lost because she was supposed to follow me, but decided not to and exit whatever way she watned to go.
- i specifically labeled the box with our flatscreen computer monitor as FRAGILE. DO NOT STACK ANYTHING ON TOP OF THIS BOX. for fear of harming the screen. I find the box underneath EVERYTHING in the back of Matts moms car. DID YOU NOT SEE MY MARKING ON THE BOX?? if its ruined, that will involve another post of complaints.
- dont ask me after every freaking box you grab "where should i put this?" I SPECIFIALLY LABLED ALL BOXES AS DEN, KITCHEN, BEDROOM, BATHROOM...and ALL THE BOXES SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN THE DEN. AGAIN I ASK...DID YOU NOT SEE MY MARKING???
- my time is up.

Sorry if you hate complaining, but I feel better now.

On another note, (because I like to leave my blogs on other notes, seems to be a common theme I have)...I really really miss April. She's my twin and I feel so sad when I leave her. I feel more like her twin anyway, then her younger sister. I cant wait till April lives a whole freaking day closer to me. Now I gotta get maclerica down this way............

Off to bed after my 16 hours of moving!!!!!!!!!!1 and we still arent done!!!

I've got a fevah

And the only cure is more moving!

Well, we are moving apartments Saturday. As soon as we get the keys, I will get over there and take some pictures. Today my goal was to pack my clothes. In the process, I realized half of my clothes were items that I was able to wear some two the three years ago, but cant fit my big toe in now. I have been holding on to these clothes for "when" or "if" and I finally decided today that enough is enough. I keep seeing this clothes, remembering the glory days of being a size nothing, and then eating because I am depressed that I literally cant fit the dang ole big toe on those clothes. SO. I pulled out some garbage bags, filled them up with all clothes that do not fit RIGHT now (minus my two fave jeans from the gap that I allowed myself to keep) and I am marching them down to the goodwill donation center. Out with the old. I have to come to terms with myself right now, and work on getting this self healthy...not just wishing I could look like I did when I was a teenager. (which wasnt that long ago, but at the same time it was almost 4 years...thats a lot of weight..). So, I am doing this while Matt is not here, because he is a packrat and will insist i keep the clothes for a later date (right, when I am pregnant?? ha!). There is no stopping me now.

On another note, I am so over selfishness right now.

Also, if you ask Henry to do the moonwalk, he will turn around and start walking backwards. It's amazing!

Wendesday I went with April to pick up Carly from school. All last week they learned about Noah's ark, and she painted a picture. Carly told me she painted it for me (probably because I told her it was beautiful). NOthing more was saidof the pic...and then Saturday morning I was telling Carly "Carly, I just love you so much" and she said "naught-uh" and buried her face in the couch. I said "You dont love your aunt spazzy?" and she said "Of course I do, i gave you the ark picture!" HA!!!

Carlyisms, as told by Aunt Spazzy

Yes, I am copying april's idea of Carlyisms, but I have a bunch too:

April: Carly, do you know Aunt SPazzys name?
Carly: no
April: It's Amy michelle
....10 minutes later at Sonic, to Opa
Me: Carly, canyou tell opa what you learned my name was?
Carly: Aunt Spazzy Shell....
it has since changed to Aunt Spazzy Michelle
________________
This morning Carly told me about her day with Papa at work;
Carly: I went to work with Papa and it was sooo awesome and like WHOA!
_____________
I gave Carly some gushers this morning..
Me: Carly tell Momma what you had after breakfast
Carly: I had dryers!! no....Gushers

Precious.

I love this kid!!!

Even walls fall down

I feel like I've had this wall up around me for....a long time now. I know God was [is] there, but..I just couldn't "feel" it. I couldn't get into worship at church, I couldn't pay attention...it's like I felt like I was drifting further and further away....

Anyway, the other night my friend Lili and I went to see Michael W. Smith in concert. It was amazing and a great time of worship and I felt like my walls finally come down. I finally felt like the only thing between me and God was my actual flesh. It was great! God has been showing up so much around my little world in Tulsa lately and it was so great to FEEL it too. I cant explain it. I just...I have been a much happier person ever since.

I'm also happy because on FRIDAY I leave to see my family!!! Wahooo!!

Also, I am searching high and low for a full time job that is NOT retail or food related. Please keep this in your prayers as I need a job TOMORROW basically.

Also, I am very excited that April and Joel and the girls are moving back to Alabama!!! This means I will basically be a whole day closer to my family. And undoubtedly, mom and dad will have to migrate that way also...sooo...this is just good all the way around. Now I just gotta get Maclareica closer.

OH yeah! Today we are going to sign our lease and put down a deposit for our new apartment. I will post pictures when I can get in there. It is DARLING! AND we are so excited!

Tomorrow is Mom's birthday- Happy Birthday Momma!!

Well...not counting the day of my arrival, 11 days until I see my family!!!!!!

My God is so big

So strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do..

Remember that song? Thats what I am singing right now. Why? Well..drumroll please...

The apartment leasing company settled on giving us $2400 to pay for the damages to our car!!!! THis means we dont have to claim it on insurance, we dont have to pay our 500 dollar deductible and we dont have to pay the 50 extra bucks a month taht would increase our insurance! And that means GOD ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS!

We were singing a song in church on sunday and I was just closing my eyes, and I felt like I heard God just telling me "Stop worrying. It's going to be okay. Why cant you just trust me?" and I replied with "Cause it's so hard. Money doesnt exactly flow from volcanoes around here in case you hadn't noticed..." And He said "I noticed. But you made 30 dollars yesterday, how bout giving that to me?" "But I need that for grocerys this week, Lord.." "But...trust me, I will take care of you". "sigh...Okay...". So, I gave my money up. And i felt just this sense of peace and encouragement. And look, everything IS okay. WHy is it so easy to trust God when everything is good, but when it's "nopt good", it's so hard? I'm listening to that Overcoming Impossibilites that mom had me download..it's awesome!!

But I am just so excited! Matt has been needing new tires and brakes. And his whole backside of his car fixed. We found a mechanic here who will find use parts and hopefully fix our car for $1000, that leaves us $1400 left for 300 dollar tires and like 75 dollar brake discs. SCORE FOR US AND PRAISE THE LORD!!!!!!

ALSO...to add to the post. Mattie just called me and..we've found this apartment for $450 a month, water trash sewer is paid..its' 900 square feet and has a SUN ROOM!!!!!!!!! ie...a room full of windows which has been my dream for...FOREVER. MOm you can come be a lizard with me. This apartment is darling and we are going to look at it Friday afternoon. I pray this works out because...it's cheaper then our rent now, and bigger than our apartment now...its just perfect.

Uncertainty

Did I spell that right?

SO, I had a chat with Henry's mom (Amy is her name) today. The scoop is....Henry's dad (Clint) basically got fired or something from his job. He has been an orthodontist with this guy for the past two years, and in the past few months they have been preparing to go into partnership together. And suddenly the head Ortho tells Clint he doesnt want to be partner anymore, so Clint is basically left looking for a new job. THis may not happen right away. So this leaves me in limbo. I may only have a few sweet weeks left with Henry. My buddy. Makes me so sad to think about!!!! I hate the thought of missing out on his life...he is changing so much day to day. I told Amy she cant get rid of me that fast and that I will come over and play...ah me....The good news is that in the meantime I do have a backup job for the summer....but after that, I am sort of stuck. But I may still be with Henry. Who knows. Just pray that everything works out for me and for the Emersons (Henrys family).

____________
And a side note for you B'Ham dwellers:

On May 23, my friends band Jackson Waters will be playing somewhere in Bham (not announced where yet) with Building 429, I belive. They are both christian bands...I think you should check out Jackson Waters and if you are free that night go see them! They are a lot like matchbox twenty style, so if you like that, you will like them. They also had a song of thiers play on "One Tree Hill" on the WB..or CW..whatever it is now. CHeck them out now at http://www.myspace.com/jacksonwaters, or you can preview both of their albums on iTunes.

Why worry, when you can pray?

My dad used to sing me that song (well not always but he did a couple times) when I would be so worried about whatever my daily worry was. (i'm a major worry-wart). He obviously did it enough for me to remember...

Anyway, this month has been a month of worry and complaining for me. I can sit here and mope and think "why me? why now?" ...but then I can reflect on what HAS been great this month.

Sure, Matt wrecked the car, sure I have a toothache that feels like...fire shooting up into my cheek. Sure our rent is about to go up. SUre my pants ripped...

But just this week alone we were able to get out of over 1,000 dollars in debt. WE HAD THAT MUCH MONEY LYING AROUND! We just didnt realize. So that is GREAT!!!

I look around at my apartment and I realize I have everything I need. I even have so much furniture that some of it doesnt even get sat on. (april and mom, you know that blue chair...we've decided to donate it to the garage sale. yay!!). I have 400 blankets on my bed to please the husband who likes heavy blankets, I have clothes on my back, and a mother in law and sister in law who are the exact size as me, so we can share clothes. I have a momma that is flying me down to visit which i am sooooooooo excited about.

I just have a lot. More than I need. So I am greatful.

also i added some pics to my photo blog. scroll down on this page on the right and there is a link that says "my pictures". you can see them there. check em out!

Lent, take 2...and action!

Well. Lent ended on Easter for us. We immediately went back to our sugar eating ways...and decided we have a major addiction to food. Namely anything with added sugars, high fructose corn syrup, etc etc...

So we are fasting again. From all. Even diet soda, sugar free jello, ....because we were using that to replace the sugar, so we weren't really solving any problems. Also, I didnt spend any of that time offering my heart to Jesus, w hich is what I really wanted to do. So I felt convicted to do it over again, and Matt decided to join me. We didnt set a time limit, we're just gonna go with it.

In other news, the leasing company for our apartment called and asked matt to get a damage estimate from three places, turn those in, and then go from there. So I guess this means they will pay for some? I would he bappy if they just gave us free rent for 6 months or so. That would be nice. Either way, it's an answer to prayer that we might not have to claim this on our insurance. Whoopie!!

Its so cold and rainy. A perfect day for chili. So, I've got it in the crockpot. Tonight we will eat it over macaroni noodles- mmm mmm good!

I farted in front of Henry today, and he died laughing. It was really cute! He says "baba" (Bible) "Touujfy784y" (thank you) "moomoo" (Cow), "Cah!" (car)....and today he even said "one, two three" (it was more like mm, mmm,. mmmmm). But I know thats what he was saying cause we had been couting his three toy letters.

Ummmm..THat's all folks.

This is my life:

I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words. - Ellen DeGeneres


This quote may be by Ellen, but I think I came up with it first.

Oops!

Mattie backed into the budget box in our apartment parking lot. It was dark, there are no street lights.

My pants (third pair) ripped. I keep having to buy new ones.

All of these stresses make me feel like...AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

But then, I go online to check out my rewards points from my credit card, and I realize...after this next bill is payed, I should have enough to cash in for a $100 gift card to Gap or Old Navy, so that will cover me getting new pants, and keep us out of debt!

As for the car...we have a 500 dollar deductible....but God is good and has never left us or forsaken us.

Wow!

While searching a totally unrelated website today, I was directed to http://www.craigslist.org, which directed me to apartments for rent in tulsa...which directed me to an answer to prayer.

And that would be an apartment for $450 a month, with all bills pay, which is exactly what Matt and I have been praying for.

It is a garage apartment, which means we would be downsizing a LOT, but I am okay with that. I actually want to downsize. I am tired of having so much stuff...plus, there is an attic that we can store stuff in.

THis place is really nice too. New pergo floors, new paint, it just looked really cute. The bills even include cable (which we dont even have!) and WIFI internet!

I just pray this is still available (it was posted march 13) and that we can do this! Pray with me! If we move here it would free up about 200 dollars a month which would really help towards paying off our debt.

What's new pussycat? Whoa whoa whoa whoaaa

What is new?

46 days till I see my family. Although, it's not so much seeing my fam as it is seeing bits and peices of them over a weeks period. It's all sort of weird. I'm not expecting to see Dad much. He makes plans and then sort of fakes out on them. Says he'll do something and doesn't do it. I'm not sure what to think about him right now anyways. In a way I am sort of dreading that part. I'm just being honest. I am insanely excited about spending time with my Momma, though. I disliked her for so long, and now I think I miss her more than anybody. And my sister. And my nieces. Gosh golly. And my brother and Erica. And my dad, too. It's just weird. The whole family dynamic ....is gone? Is it? It's changed. I dont know where I fit. I dont know what to think. I dont know, I don't know, I don't know.

I do know my head hurts, my husband is not home, and I won't really see him till Friday, I am avoiding my research paper on Lactose Intolerance (most boring topic EVER), I finally got approved for financial aid, and I should hopefully be graduating with my Associates in December.

I know............

but I don't know.

I get to see Olivia in May!!

E for Effort?

I would just like to announce, that since the first time since 3rd grade, I am making A's in my College courses.

WAHHHY!!!!!!!!!!!

It feels to good to feel smart!! Haha!

Pictures

Hey I've got some pics of Olivia on snapfish but I dont have you guys emails! So if you want to see my adorable niece, gimme your email and I will send em!!!

that's all i've got of my sweetie neice...I am sure April will surface with some when she is feeling up to! I am sure me calling her and keep begging for pics isn't helping.

I put up new photos on mi otro blog.

SHE'S HERE!!

Olivia Grace Hawbaker is here!!

8 pounds 11 ounces and 20 1/2 inches.
Joel said she's the exact same weight and height as Carly, but she has less hair on her head than Carly did. It's still dark. And everybody says she looks JUST LIKE Carly when Carly was born.

YAY for the Miracle of Birth!!!!

Yay!!!

This time next week I will have another niece!!

I am SOOO EXCITED!!!!

Oooh how I wish I could hold her, but I will Carly do it instead. :) She's gonna be such a good helper, Apes. I am praying that she can adjust well to another person getting attention. And if not, send her here and I will stuff her with swiss cake rolls. :)

Friends are friends forever...

Wayull...We've lived here 2 years and I am finally making some girl friends!!

Camera shy

I can't explain how I feel when I am behind a camera, but I love it. It's something so personal to me. When I am behind a camera I am able to capture the world as I see it. I think I see things a little differently than a majority of the people. I look at my homework spread out across the table and I think "wow, that's a cool composition", so I take a picture of it. I like the way my sandwich looks when I have taken a bite out of it...so I snap a picture. I think I see things differently. I also feel sort of vulnerable behind a camera. I don't want people to see me behind it. I feel embarrassed. Like somebody is reading my journal and gathering all my most precious thoughts. I don't like it. But I love it. Make sense?

I think I am going to try and find a photography school instead of pursuing psychology. Jojo, Dad, Maclaren, Mattie and the rest of my fam talked me into it. If taking pics is what I love, then why am I kidding myself by trying something else?

And then at the same time I try and talk myself out of this...why? I don't think I can capture photos of people very well.

But so what? WHo says I have to take pics of people? And who says I can' improve?

I'm just talking to myself here.

I thought I had lost one of my most favorite cd's and today after MONTHS of looking for it, I found it. I am ecstatic.

A few of my favorite things

My new favorite baby- Esseny Grace..she is 2 months old and ADORABLE!!
These are my married bro's and sistas. I love getting to know them better.

And of course, HENRY WADE!! I love love love him. He says "uh-oh" now and loves to read books.

Tomorrow is Matties birthday. I got him Prison Break on DVD....and I am going to surprise him with a cake when he gets off of work tomorrow. :) I dont have a picture of him to put up but he is one of my favorite things, too.

Mi hermano

Well, I met my new brother this week. I now have 5 brothers. My newest one- Dani (pronounce dah-KNEE...[with emphasis on the knee]). He is AWESOME!!! His little broken english is the cutest thing. he has had such an overwhelming week...he flew on a plane for the very first time, he saw snow for the very first time, everybody around him is speaking english, he doesnt know when he will be back in Peru again....I for one would be a basketcase. Heck, I was a basketcase just moving across the country...he moved to a NEW country. He is doing so great though and I am surprising myself at how much spanish I can understand.

On a different note....I want a baby NOW!!! I'm so excited ...Friday I get to go shopping with my friend Ana and her baby Esseny to find her something to wear. here is nothing I love more than babies r' us.....that store is fabulous!!

Alrighty...

Looking forward..

Well, this is going to be a crazy week! Mattie finally starts his EMT school, so he will be gone T, W, and Thursday nights from 6-10. What's great here is I work until about 5:30 soo...I wont be seeing him at least 3 days a week. (I really don't think thats great, it was sarcasm in case you missed it...). And dont ask why I abbreviated T, and W, and not Thursday. Thats just the way I wanted it...

Also on Tuesday my favorite Mary in the whole wide world gets into Tulsa from Peru!!!! I havent seen Mary since February and she is my bestest friend here so yay!!! We are all glad to have her and her husband back.

I think I've gained about 10 pounds since we've been housebound from ice...I had sent Mattie to the store to get bread, soy milk...he comes back with oreos and a humongous cookie cake. Thats my husband..he cant ingore the sugar side of life...

Umm....school is going good. Remember my nutty nutrition professor that I mentioned last post? Well, i had my new one yesterday- and he wore spandex pants to class with a t-shirt. I was worried the whole class his t-shirt would ride up and I would see a sight I do not want to see. You know what I mean. I guess it's just int he rule book for nutritionists to be sort of weird...maybe I would fit right in...

On another note, I am desperately wanting to be in NC when Olivia appears in this world. But, situations (money, school, 1, 125 miles) say differently so I guess I am stuck here until possibly next Christmas. Unless a free plane ticket and money to cover a week of work fall from the sky.

No, that was not a plea for you to send me money.........i was just talking.

Well friends, I have another blog for pics taht I havent used in FOREVER but I am putting some on of mattie and me in the ice storm if you wanna take a gander. Here is the link: http://www.mypassionpics.blogspot.com

Off to do homework!

Fact or fiction?

Picture this..

It's about 7:30 pm, on an unseasonably warm January night...I am in my first night of nutrition class. My professor is rambling on and on about his theories of food dangers that the government is covering up. One such theory is this.....we've all heard the thing about reusing bottled water bottles can cause cancer, right? Well, my professor goes further into this theory to tell us that consuming mass amounts of bottled water and pop (thats coke or soda for you non-Okies) during your third trimester will dramatically increase your chances *like almost 100 percent* of your child being born gay!!!

Yes, you read that right.

He then went on to say that that was a study...and he belevies that is not true, but homosexuality is in your dna. You can't help it.

_____________ insert 10 minute break

While the prof is out of the room, I ask my fellow students.."Did he just say that drinking bottled water will make my child be born gay" and they all said yes. It killed me! Nobody even doubted him! I am sure I made a face because this woman asked "Why, do you not agree?" and I said "Of course I dont agree, I believe homosexuality is a choice! You arent born that way!" and she replies with a "Well we'll just have to ask God some day" and I said "I'm pretty sure God would not approve of this theory...but I'm no professional on the matter". I didn't want to get in a huge debate becaus thats not what the class is about but......come on people!!! The Bible clearly states that homosexuality is a sin, am I right?

Needless to say I have switched profs and classes..

2007

Well, it's a new year now...in case you hadn't noticed yet. This year I will hopefully end up with my associates degree in my hand...and maybe a baby in my belly. I will hopefully have a fireman husband or at least an EMT....I will move to a new apartment..I will keep exercising. I will mature more.

New threads

I feel like I should post something new, but I don't have much important to say.

It's Christmas time. I was feeling so relieved that I wasn't going to NC for Christmas to be in the middle of things....now I miss my family more than ever. This is my first Christmas ever away from them. Not getting to celebrate Dad's bday with everyone. Sadness.

Our apartment has gotten way way way out of control with the mess. It's almost embarrassing. And it's not like i haven't had time to clean it. I just haven't cleaned it. I need some divine inspiration. Got any?

I've been exercising like a good girl. The numbers on the scale have not decreased, but my pants are starting to fit looser. So yay for me! Atta girl, ames. I pat my own back. I have never been this consistent with exercise ...well..ever. I've never exercised. Sad.

UMMM...That's all, I suppose.

School-io

Well, it's official...I am going back to school. Starting at the community college level, but hey, it's school! Maybe I will be the first of us O kids to get a degree. (after erica)...

I am going to major in psychology. But first I have to knock out some general ed classes. Which stinks cause I already have over 70 credit hours but not all of them count towards...anything.......

I am taking U.S. History (exciting!), Developmental Psych (wooho!!!), Nutrition, basic computers (i have to), and a math class. I must admit I am excited about all classes but math and computers. Comp will be a waste of time...math? retarded, also.

well gilmore girls is back on~

hope

hope  /ho-p/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[hohp] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, hoped, hop-‧ing.
–noun
1.
the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best: to give up hope.
2.
a particular instance of this feeling: the hope of winning.
3.
grounds for this feeling in a particular instance: There is little or no hope of his recovery.
4.
a person or thing in which expectations are centered: The medicine was her last hope.
5.
something that is hoped for: Her forgiveness is my constant hope. –verb (used with object)
6.
to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence.
7.
to believe, desire, or trust: I hope that my work will be satisfactory. –verb (used without object)
8.
to feel that something desired may happen: We hope for an early spring.
9.
Archaic. to place trust; rely (usually fol. by in). —Idiom
10.
hope against hope, to continue to hope, although the outlook does not warrant it: We are hoping against hope for a change in her condition

__________________________________________

This morning I felt hopeful.

Now I don't.

Will things ever go back to normal? Will Mom and Dad work through this? How long is it going to take? Will true change really come?

With my God all things are possible; with my God I can scale a wall. And so can my parents. Right?

....

I feel beautiful today.

That's a feeling that doesn't visit me very often.

WOOHOO!!!

6 more days until I see Mac-daddy, Erica, April, Carly and Gmom and Pops!!!!!!

My family!!!!!!!

You don't know how excited I am to see somebody I love so much. I can't begin to explain the joy. I already feel like I can't sleep ....

maybe that's because the neighbors upstairs are making so much noise...

Alright. I seriously had 2.5 hours of sleep last night. I am going to bed...to dream of seeing my FAMILY!!!!!!

Thoughts..

So Matt and I visited a new church yesterday...it was way cool. It was real small (maybe 100 people tops) compared to the church we've been going to...700-1,000 people. I liked it much better and I felt like the Pastor was actually preaching from the bible...not just using stories to teach with a verse here or there to back it up. He said something yesterday that really stuck out to me.. he said "If you're not moving forward, you're moving backwards". Interesting.,...do you know how many areas of my life I can apply that to right now? All of them.

For instance....cleaning the apartment. If I'm not cleaning, it's just getting messier.
If I'm not exercising, I'm gaining weight.
If I'm not spending time with Jesus, I'm not growing any.

It was pretty cool. Made me think. It also was cool that for filling out a visitors card we [both] got a $5 gift card to s'bux (that's starbucks)...so now I can get my Caramel Apple Cider I have been dreaming of since the weather turned cold and grey. I only like cold and grey weather if I can drive around and see peoples white christmas lights shining through the windows, or outside on their houses. Colored christmas lights are awful- I hate them. White ones only, people. Although I have thought of getting blue ones for my tree to go with all my snowmen and blue Christmas decor. Anyhoo...

This month I get to see Granmommy and Pops who I haven't seen since my wedding! To make it better, Maclerica (that's Maclaren and Erica) are going to be there and April and Carly, too! ( i hope?!!). I am so excited to see my family! I miss my brother and sisters so much. ANd neice. And grandparents. And pretty much everybody who isn't in Oklahoma.

Today is productive...I've already changed the sheets on the bed, cleaned up (almost), got dinner in the crock, what else...? Ah relaxing.

That's all for now, folks! Tune in next time..

Our new car...its a 2000 Dodge Neon...we named him Nemo for obvious reasons...(duh..it's orange..). I love him!

If anybody reads this..

I just wanted to say to please keep Grandma Ruthie (Matt's grandmom) in your prayers. We put her in the hospital Saturday cause she was real sick. They are thinking she has pneumonia and possibly a pulminary embolism which is a blood clot in her lungs. They are treating her for both problems and she is getting better every day, but if you can remember to pray for her recovery please do! And pray for the sanity of all of us while we wait for Gma to get better and try to live our lives also. Especially for Matt's momma cause she has the munchkins to care for and Gma always helped her so much and right now she can't....sooo yeah, that is all.

Hmmm

It's no lie that I am the proudest aunt alive...

and now the fact that I am going to have ANOTHER NIECE is really making me prouder.

Another girl!!!!! yay!!

I have the greatest most handsome husband in the world. He loves me so much. I'm so greatful!

Creepy crawley

I'm not even joking when I say this...

HENRY CRAWLED FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY!!

I'm so sad that I am the one to see it, not his momma and dada. I am debating whether or not to tell them because I want her to see it first. She is kinda anal about that sort of stuff.

But I mean he was on his little blanket he plays on, and I look down and he is crawling like 5 feet away to get his toy!! I started freaking out....HENRY, YOU'RE CRAWLING!! And he is just smiling away. Oh gosh, it was the most exciting thing I have ever seen. Besides seeing my neice crawl, but I'm sure I didn't see the first time for that.

In other news....it's no lie that I am 30 pounds (give a few more) overweight. This aint right. How can I want a child when I am in no shape to bear one? How can I complain about my pants size when I do nothing to change it? Huh? How?? Our apartment complex has a fitness center that I have never used....all I have to do is pay a one time fee of $25 dollars and I have access to it after hours, which is when I have time to go in there. So, I am gonna do that this week and start working out to lose this weight. I have to. It' s so important for me,. for mattie and as obedeince to God to take care of His temple.

I cant believe I saw Henry crawl. I mean I was so excited as if it was my own child. What it must be like to actually see that happen for your own kid! Gah what joy to be a mommy!! My time will come but ooooohhh I cannot wait until it does.

Mo money, mo problems..

Yes Puff Daddy and Notorious B.I.G. said itbest...the more money you come across, the more problems you see.

Soo...I think our computer is biting the dust. My year old laptop bit the dust a couple months back. Matt's approx. 5 year old Dell laptop has lasted forever...until now...suddenly the screen keeps blinking and then just going completely blank. No amount of jiggling the mouse brings it back. Today I had to reboot it and then 5 mins later it did it again. Soo basically we are probably going to have to buy a new computer. Can we do this? Yes, but if we do then that uses our money to go to Fayetteville for Christmas. I have to go to NC for Christmas. It's the one time a year we're all together. Also my bra's have decided to fritz out on me and all the elastic has come loose. I also need new clothes. I also need Season 2 of the Office when it comes out tomorrow. Oh yeah, I also need an eye exam and new glasses. We need $$ people and we dont have enough for all that we need.

So here's what I'm askin you to do....pray that we can trust God for Provision. Or for money to magically appear in our mailbox. That would be super sweet. Just pray. That's all.

In other news....Henry's final adoption date is Friday and I am invited to his celebration lunch afterwards. That's kinda cool. I will know nobody there and probably feel pretty awkward but he's my little buddy....I have to go. I hadn't seen him since Thursday and when I got here today he looked more like a little boy and less like a baby. It made me a little sad. Babies grow up so fast you miss so much if you don't stop and watch! I seriously cannot wait until I have a kid. I want one so bad. I am so ready to be a momma. What a joy!

Ummm....that's all. This is a busy week for Mattie so I wont really see him until Friday night. Ah well.

Babies can be so frustrating. Why cant they just go to sleep when they are tired and their eyes are obviously trying to shut?

Today Matt called this couple from church that we tried hanging out with a couple of times. Without running it by me first, he told the husband we have to hang out again.

This made me angry.

Now let me explain why:

The wife is totally not my type. At all. I know that sounds so shallow. We were all supposed to go play frisbee golf one day....I was all ready and when we get to their apartment she reveals that she hates frisbee golf and in fact doesnt like to be outside at all. She doesnt like baseball. She doesnt like camping. She doesnt like SUNLIGHT. I almost died. Matt has turned me into such an outsider....I cant stand being inside for more than like an hour. I hate the darkness. I love baseball.

I tried to hard to connect with her....I even called her like once a week after that to try and be a better friend. And she never one reached out to me, so I gave up. I figured eh, I gave it a good fight, which is rare for me to do anyways....and now I am having to do it again because Matt called them! Oh I was so annoyed. It's not really that bad but I just.....uuuhhhhhh I dont want to be her friend. I know I am sounding like a 5 year old right now but I am sure we have all had people we felt this way about.

Okay I am done complaining. I am home from Henrys and off tomorrow so YAY!!

Updates...

So Matt now has a part time job working for Primerica, a Citigroup company. It sounds like a good deal, and it came at just the time we were praying so we will see. It's a Robert Kiyosaki (rich dad??) recommended company if you know what I mean. Actually, Matt's trainer had bought the personal coaching sessions with Kiyosaki himself, and Kiyosaki told him if he can't find a Primerica company near him to work for, then he should pack his things and move to where there was one. So he moved to Tulsa, and immediately after met Mattie. We'll see how it rolls. If it all works out how we plan, we should still be well on our way to retiring by the age of 30 and then I am one step closer to having kiddos!

Really all I want to do is have babies and the ability to buy my babies anything I want. And myself. And my husband. And to build my dream house. And to help kids without parents. And help people pay for college. And lots of things.

Henrys been asleep for almost 3 hours...which is nice cause he was real cranky. He should be a happy baby when he wakes up.

One day I'll be saying stuff like this about my own child...until then..you will hear about Henry.

Until further notice..

So Matt and I decided to postpone moving pretty much indefinately. There are just other things right now we need to worry about. We both feel good about our decision.....as much as I want to live near mi familia, it just didn't feel right. Like we were forcing it to happen or something. I feel much better now. Almost relieved. It's weird.

Anyway,....thats the news fornow.

We are family..

Sigh.

I miss my family.

A lot.

It came to my attention this week that Carly and April went shoe shopping. Of all the shoes in the store, Carly picked out bubble-gum pink Dora light up mary janes. April wasn't too keen on them and told Carly to put them back. And she did without complaining. It was just so neat to me to "see" a two year old already learning to sacrifice something she wants without complaining. How amazing! Of course, being the so loving Aunt that I am, I drove all the way to Owasso (its about a 30 min drive), and used 1/4 tank of gas (I was driving the Wrangler, it needs gas like we need water) in search of these shoes. I got them, of course. But thinking about it on the way home I just thought....wow, that is a lot of love I have for somebody. I know I love Mattie and my family a lot but I guess I never realized it. Not that it's some heroic act to drive a little bit to buy some shoes for my favorite neice but I just wanted to. I love her so much I had to get her those shoes. It's just so neat to be able to love somebody! Jesus gave us love in our hears and I want nothing more than to share that love with others. It feels so good to pour love on people.

One of Marys "brothers" from Peru is here in Tulsa for two weeks. His name is Hugo (like Uno but with a g instead of an N). He is SO SWEET. I am in love with this kid. Natrually, he wants Bethany to be his girlfriend but she said no. But he is just the cutest neatest kid I have met in along time. He is always washing grandmas dishes for her, cleaning things for her, he turns all the lights off when he leaves the room, and yesterday he was on the couch reading his little spanish bible and highlighting stuff. It was just neat to see, I guess. I want my boys to be like him. He's so sweet and gentle and giving. Lots of people in south america are like that. Ah me.

Christmas seems like so far away to see my family again. I had a little crying spell last night when I thought about how much I miss them. I miss being able to watch movies with mom and fall asleep in her bed. I want to be able to go play with Carly when I have the time, and to take her places and watch Miffy with her and be not only her aunt, but an influence and a good friend. I want to be near my sister, my 2nd mom, who teaches me thigns and is so honest with me. I want to be near Joel who only knows how to tease me relentlessly. I want to hear my dad say "hey pupster" and jab me in the side with his stubby poky fingers that leave bruises afterwards, (its the equivalent to pawpaws SLAPS on the back). yeah, it hurts. I want to take Carly fimmin in moms pool. I want to be a part of the other babies life. ......
Gah I forgot maclaren and Erica! Maybe living close I will get a sighting of them. I want to be able to laugh with my bubba and get to know Erica more.

We're planning on moving in May but my head keeps telling me it's not going to happen. Something inside is just saying No. Are we forcing it? Are we not listening to God? I want to be near my family more than anything, but I am totally willing to say here if I have to. I don't feel like it's out of Gods will with us planning to move, but I dont necessarily feel like it IS His will either. But does he always reveal it to us when we want? No, he doesn't. Maybe a move to Fayetteville is just a pit stop before the real plan begins. I dunno. I do know what I want to be where my family is. I miss them. I hate being away from them. It's like as soon as I let Jesus into my life and take control and really started to love my family, I moved away. Now i want to go back and give them the love that I never gave....momma always said I would regret not hugging them or sayig I Love you, and I do....

Well, now that I am crying again I am going back to baking cookies. I just had to get this out.

Adoption

Well, I just watched this show on the discovery channel called Adoption Stories, and now I am crying. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. This couple adopted twin girls from Korea. It was so neat to see them at the airport waiting for the girls to arrive. THe mom and dad were both just crying so much, and their biological daughter who is 3 1/2 was real worried about them crying. Anyway, I was sitting like a loof on the couch just crying my eyes out thinking about all the orphans in the world who need a Mommy and Daddy. I thought about Henry who was adopted, and Matt's two little sisters and their brother who were adopted. The amount of love these children need....so amazing. I am so inspired now. I want to adopt a child!! What an opportunity we have to extend God's love to other children. Jesus loved the children (all the children of the world..red and yello...nevermind) and wanted them near him. What better way to bring a child near to Jesus than by adopting one and sharing His love with them! You can do this with your own children, but these orphans may never have a chance at all! Gosh, we as Americans are so blessed with all that we have...shoes, clothes, and abundance of food, furniture, people around us that love us so much....and these orphans around the world, they dont even have parents!! Some of these kids that do have parents are no better off because their parents are bozo's. I cant even imagine how Henry's new mom and dad feel about him. Just watching taht show made me feel so honored to he a part of this childs life. I have an opportunity to help him grow and show him love and treat him as I would my own children. The same for Carly and my hopeful nephew, and Matt's little sisters. What a great opportunity Jesus has given all us adults to be examples not only to our adult brothers and sisters but to the children as well.

A new way to clean

I dunno if anybody reads this anymore, but thought I would share my idea anyways..

Whenever I am cleaning, and I find something in the kitchen that goes in the bedroom or somewhere else....I get real distracted putting up the said item. I will take it to the bedroom and that will get me started on cleaning that room, instead of finishing the room I was in.

So this morning I had the brilliant idea to pull out the laundry baskets, and while cleaning if I found something that went in another room, i put it in the designated basket. So now, when I go to clean my bedroom, I just pick up the basket with all the bedroom items and go in there.

It saves me from getting distracted, and it saves matt from coming home to a house that i cleaned but never looks clean...

Please...

Pray for me y'all....that I will have a good attitude towards Matt's mom while I am still living here. I thought I missed her while she was in Peru....turns out, I wish she was gone again.

Bad, huh?

Please though, really pray for my attitude....I want an attitude of love, patience, ......etc etc...all the fruits of the spirit Jojo talked about on her myspace. That would be nice.

Also, I am really stressing about my b-day. 23 just feels so awkward.....such an inbetween age. I am really feeling resistant towards this birthday. I know it's not old but it's like...man..23 years...what have I done? This is the age I always envisioned having kids....who knows...life is so busy right now with work and trying to move and trying to squeeze in some quality time with the hubby at midnight. This birthday feels unimportant, I guess. Mattie will be working, I have to celebrate without him. My family isnt here. Nobody in tulsa even knows its my bday but my fam....I dunno. I am just whining right now but it's weird is all I am trying to say....

Uhhh. My heartburn never stops, never. I believe i suffer from severe acid refulx disease. My esophagus? It's probably damaged beyong belief....

Wow, I am just ramblin away here....

Bah humbug

Nothing like seeing a picture of yourself to make you feel absolutely un-attractive in every way possible.

Henry is trying to crawl. he got 10 times chunkier while I was away. We're talkin rolls on the thighs yall. He's still cute as can be....methinks he is fed too much. Oh well, he aint my child and i shall do as momma says. He's also saying "dadadada" now...so that is exciting. He will be 7 months this week. I will be 23 this week. Insanity. 23 aint old but I am having such a hard time dealing with it....such an awkward age.

Well, I'm off to mope about the horribleness of the picture I just saw of myself.

yes, this post is all about me. but it's my blog and I'll write what I want to.

Rambles..

I've always thought that I wanted to be pregnant by the time I was 23.

That leaves me 8 days to get on it. Ha!

Kids are definately on our mind lately. Even though we really are in no place financially to have a child....but if you wait until that moment arrives, .....can you even do that? How do you know when "Oh by the way, we can now afford a child". I mean you need money for everything, you never know what kind of blow you are going to get dealt ya know? Isn't that part of life, always trying to make money for something else and for today. True our plan is to be financially free in 5 years, and hopefully with Gary's wise ways we can do that. But who wants to wait 5 more years to have a kid? Not I! Not that 28 is old on the least bit, but I will be 28! My kids after I have all 5 of them...will still be at home when I am in my 60s. I don't want that. Shoo flys, dont bother me! I know I am not old at all, but I'm not gettin any younger either. My body already aches when I am bent over too long....it takes about 5 minutes to straighten my legs back out... like I heard them say on Gilmore Girls last night "There's never a great time to be a parent..you just are". I told Matt that after I heard it and all he had to say "so waht does that mean..." and I'm like "duh, that i want a CHILD!"

All this to say I can't wait to be a momma. I can't wait to be an aunt again. I can't wait to be back at Henry's house to play with my little buddy. I can't wait to live near my neice and soon to be (hopefully my) nephew!

We got digital cable yesterday and I discovered a channel made just for me..the Independant Film Channel! Yes! I already dvr'd the movie Amelie. I am so excited about this channel, I imagine I will be recording many a movie as I jsut happen to love independant films more than any others... There's also a channel devoted stricly to love movies! Last night I feasted on The Notebook while Mattie worked on his stock homework...

We're really (or I am) praying that we can somehow get a 2nd car. All we need is a clunker to get us here or there....I even prayed that somebody would just miraculously (sp?) give us a car....seeing as we don't really have money to go buy one...

Well I've written a lot. All pointless chatter....it's okay, it does me good to get it out, and it beats talking to my apartment walls.

Cha-ching!

Well, my prayers were answered....Henry needs me full time now through September. So yay! And Matt got an evening job at Staples workin about 15-20 hours a week so that helps out with our move, too.

I'm here to tell ya God is GOOD!

Lo siento

I'm sorry for all the complaining I've been doing about Matt's mom. It seems like with every person in my life, I go through this season where I notice everything about them that I don't like and just start not liking that person at all. I realize now though that she does what she does because she loves her kids, she doesnt want us to move, etc etc. It's natural for a mom to miss her kids, ya know? So I'm sorry i was complaining so much and making her sound like a monster in law. She really isnt.

On a lighter note, the end of may cannot come fast enough. Right now I am most excited about living close to April. I miss my sister. Plus she needs my help with my nephew (fingers crossed) on the way. Apes I just know you are having a boy, i just know it.

I think mattie and I both found part times jobs to help us save $$ for moving. This way I can still stay with henry but work somewhere else too, so it'll be like I am working full time, just with two different employers. One taxes out my taxes, the other doesnt. That's all.

I am going to be 23 this month. Isnt that weird? I feel like I am 12. Oh well.

home sweet home

At least, I think it's sweet.

I'm real excited to be back in my owm bed. Although I slept exceptionally well on the air bed at Jojo's I was real glad to be in mine. I never realized how firm it was. ....

So yeah, now that we are home I feel terrible. My throat is swollen, more snot than any one person should have, and to top it all of PMS!

ALSO, as soon as we got back, Matt's mom started in about us moving. Apparently she is planning to go to the NC beaches when we move adn we are supposed to go with them. Sorry lady. The reason we are moving is to GET AWAY from them (namely: her) and now they are following us?? She is in major denial, also. She was trying to tell us last night that you can't ever really say "we're moving at this time to this place", um yeah you can, and we did it. End of May, Fayetteville NC. She just keeps making comments about us staying here and about my family moving here to Oklahoma....not gonna happen. At first she tried telling us we cant move because the girls wouldnt be able to handle it emotionally. Sure that stinks but is that my problem?? I mean Matt and I have to do waht is best for US, not his little sisters. When Matt said I do he promised to take of me and my emotions, not me and his two little sisters, right??

Anyway, all the traveling, matts mom and not feeling good made me a big time grouch last night. Poor matt got the butt of it all , too. And now I feel annoyed again cause he wanted to sleep more instead of going to the grocery store to get me medicine. But i agreed to let him sleep so i shouldnt complain, right? Right.

Sadness

Well, so we've basically decided that we want to move back to NC. However this requires me finding a full time job.

I don't watch Henry full time.

You see my delimma? I have been crying all afternoon because I do not want to leave him. I keep praying that his mom will need me full time, that would be awesome. A little pay raise would be nice, also...

Just pray that if Henry doesn't work out, I will find something I enjoy just as much. I just emailed a nanny service (they had no phone number in their ad, just an email...waht is the world coming to!) anyway I emailed the nanny service to ask them some questions.

It just stinks...I love the little stinker so much, I do....but it's my reality if we want to move...

Wedding pics pt. 2

Okay so I cant seem to load these in order...dunno why..

Does this peach with a hemmoriod look familiar?
Carly and Uncle Manny playin with each other after we arrive..
Aunt Spazzy playin with her siblings..
The mountains of NC
We thought these two kudzoo covered trees looked like dinosaurs

Wedding pics part 1

Bear with me...there are gonna be many parts to my wedding pics series. This starts from our trip..
The above pic is this insane storm we had to drive through.
Matt feeling tired from driving
Our pretty sunrise from the morning of our drive
The retarded picnic tables they have at Oklahoma rest stops

Memphis..??

Sooo the wedding is over. Really??

This all seems like a dream...

I had a good but chaotic weekend. I will write more about everything when I'm done processing..

We missed ya, Les!

The time has come

Well, my little bubba gets married this week....

I won't believe it till I see it.

I thought he was still 10 years old with no front teeth. Or even 3 years old wearing his little blue golashes and "muscle shirts" everywhere.....

Where has time gone??

Pics

You can see pics from my latest photography adventure on my photo blog!

Decisions, decisions..

Well, our lease runs out at the end of this month. We would like to move, but seeing as we're gonna be in NC, and we have to make a decision by the 15th of this month, I guess we are staying a little bit longer in our shoebox apartment. They are raising the rent again, but we get a 3% discount since Matt works for OU. Sooo....it's not quite 500 but almost, which is a lot for a small one bedroom apartment. But ya know, it works for what we need right now. We have room to sit, to eat, to sleep....so we are thankful.

Anyway, so this means that we most likely have to sign a 9 month lease. With a 9 month lease our rent will be 475....if we wanted a 6 month it would be 485. 3 Months more is worth saving 10 dollars, I suppose. If we signed a 6 month we would be moving right around Christmas time, which again we will be in NC....sooo, if we sign the 9 month it will be perfect. We'd be moving in March which means cooler weather and could even mean snow in Oklahoma. Anyway, all this to say that we are really praying about where to move after our next lease runs out. Be it to NC or somewhere else in Tulsa. We are real hesitant to sign a year lease because we feel like that is too much time here. We're torn because as much as it would be nice to have a break from Matt's family, we will miss them a lot. And I honestly don't know what Matt's mom would do without us here. THey depend on me and Matt for so much- literally to make decisions for them, to fix things when they are broken....but ya know what? We didn't move here to take care of them. She is a grown woman and needs to learn to be self sufficient. So do the little girls- they are 13 and almost 15 now. It's high time they got off the couch and stopped watching Disney channel and helped their 76 year old granda with THEIR laundry and their dirty dishes and cleaning up their own dang messes.

I really feel we will be leaving Tulsa but it's a feeling and you cant really base much off of those. They trick us a lot.

Keep us in your prayers. 9 months seems like a long time, but it's also no time at all. If we move to another state, we've somehow got to find AFFORDABLE housing plus jobs. Soooooo that's all for now.

A post of value..

Sometimes the people in my life here make me want to pull out my hair.

None of Matt's family can understand or wrap their brains arount the fact that Matt and I are really going to make these stock classes work for us. We didn't pay money for the cd's or the classes to not do it. Nobody believes that we can do this. They reply with a "oh okay well when you become a multi-billionaire remember who your family is". They can't get out of their work mentality. Now I understand that people who haven't taken Gary's classes have a hard time grasping this anyway....but it's like whenever we mention it, they just shoot us down and leave us feeling discouraged thinking we can't do this. This makes Mattie and me want to move to a place where we are surrounded by people with the same ideas as us, and who will support us in our endeavors, not tear us down.

They (read: matts mom and grandmom) have a problem with how we want to raise our children. We had a big discussion the other night about how we want our kids to be self-sufficient when they are teenagers. My parents made us get jobs and pay for our own gas, our car insurance, buy our own clothes, we did our own laundry, we did most of what we needed. Matt's mom .....I dunno where she comes from. She basically said she doesn't agree with that, and because she works with kids with behavior problems she knows all that is best for children. How bout we raise our kids how we want, not how she wants. This also makes me want to move. Like for example...when we were having this discussion, Matt said "Like if my kid comes home saying they are out of gas in their car and have no money for more, I'm not going to give them any money". If they were stranded somewhere, yes, we would help them out. But if they were careless with their money and bought clothes/video games/whatever instead of setting some aside for what they need (gas) we want them to learn their lesson that Mom and Dad aren't always going to be there to help them. When you're on your own and married you can't call on them to pay for your gas can you? Sure we will show them mercy at times, but not every time, that teaches them dependance and taht they always get thier way. Anyway- after Matt said that his Mom says "Well they can come to their grandma and she will buy them gas". It made me so mad we decided to go home. No, my kids will not grow up learning that Gma will do for them what Mom and dad wont. How will they ever learn their lessons?

We are really praying to meet people who support us, or for an opportunity to move somehwere were people do. We just don't think we can stay in Tulsa forever with the mindset his family has. It just drags us down....

I'm in love with another man...

well, a 5 month old boy, that is.

Henry fell asleep on me today. It made me want to cry. He was fussin up a storm so I picked him up, and no sooner than I put his passy in his mouth, his head fell to my shoulder and he was alseep. I didn't think he was ready for a nap seeing as he just woke up a little over an hour ago...I guess our stroll around the neighborhood wore him out.

But just seeing him sleeping on my shoulder was the absolute cutest thing. I wish somebody had been here to take a picture. Made me all that more excited to see Carly in 16 days!!

I live a very blessed life.

Also..new pics are up!

Say it ain't so..

This weekend we celebrate our 2 year wedding anniversary.

I can't believe it's been two whole years! And then I think...it's ONLY been 2 years?

Seems like so long, yet like no time at all.

Our actual 2 years is on Monday, but since we both have to work we are celebrating tomorrow. We're gonna sleep in as late as we want (YES!), have a picnic at the park, relax and read at the park, then later go see United 93 at the DOllar Theater. Doesn't sound like much maybe, but we looooove just chillin at the park. We both love to be outdoors and the park we go to here is AWESOME. So many pretty trees and it's so huge no matter where you sit, you have privacy. ANd we love going to the dollar theater. I dont think we have paid regular price for a movie in forever. Things come to the dollar theater so fast these days it's worth the wait...plus, I can't justify paying 8 bucks for a movie ticket...no movie is ever worth it.

Anyway...Happy anniversary to me! And Mattie!

You've got me feelin' emotions..

Last night while Matt was getting ready for bed I was watching some show on tv...this woman was at her therapist appointment talking about how she is a single mom and is just trying so hard to be there for her kids etc etc....she then started crying and said "I told myself I wouldn't do this" and the therapist says "it's okay to show emotion" and she said "Not to cry....it shows weakness, and that's not good".

It broke my heart to hear that. Why do so many people believe that crying is a form of weakness? It isnt! God gave us these emotions to USE them, not bottle them up and stuff them inside. Crying is just a physical way of letting emotions out. You can't tell me that you don't feel better after a good cry, can you? My mom has always stuffed her tears down and without knowing it she taught me to do that too....then I realized, my tears are coming out for a REASON and just to let myself cry, which I now do on a regular basis. It's a way to show pain, exhaustion, anger, anything. It doesn't mean you are weak.... where do people even get that logic from? I just' dont understand.

I mean did she think her therapist would berate her for crying? Hello she is in THERAPY to help her get a handle on everything, and crying is one of the ways. So what if you cry in a movie! Listen around and you will hear most other people sniffling and crying too. Nobody can see you crying anyway so just get over it. Will your husband think you are weak? Well, I hope not., Mine holds me and lets me snot and cry all over his shirt if necessary. He lets me feel my emotions when I need to.

I just dont get it....

Well, Henry is sound asleep...he is so cute. he put's himself to sleep, its quite amusing. You only have to rock him for like a minute (literally) and he's all ready to go to bed. Just put his little blankie thing on his face and he rubs it on his face and falls asleep...

He had a crazy blowout today. Poop coming out after the diaper was off. Sickness.

I have not been sleeping good at all. I've decided that I suffer from insomnia to a high degree. I just can't sleep for more than a couple hours. Needless to say, I am exhausted.

Only 3 1/2 weeks until the wedding! I am so excited to see my family.

Matt and I have been so busy I feel like I haven't seen him in like 2 weeks...like, literally we finally get to say hey when we are going to bed...and by that point we are so exhausted to the point of falling asleep like as soon as we lay down.

We got a couch and a recliner this weekend! Granted they are 12 year old hand-me-downs from matt's aunt and uncle, but it's still furniture! Now...I want to find a slipcover I like. This upholstery has got to go.

Off to go check on henry and hopefully take a little nap myself...

Henry...

Henry pics are over here......go, behold the cuteness of him NOW!

This is the day...

Today I start my nanny job..well kinda. I guess it's more a trial run to see if I like it. But, I already know that I will because the kid stole my heart from the minute I saw him. Then again, all kids steal my heart.

I'm really just so excited to be invested into a child's life. I have so much love to give, and it's so neat to be able to love somebody else...to help somebody LIVE! Ya know? What a big responsibilty parents have. I mean they are raising a PERSON. A mini you! It's incredible to me and I cannot wait to be a part of that. But in the mean time, I will take on Henry as my little child. Haha...I'm so excited. His parents are strong Christians, so I don't have to worry about our morals clashing or anything, which is really nice.

His mom seems to think Henry likes me because he wouldn't stop staring at me and smiling. My theory is because my eyes are gargantuan and almost all babys cant stop staring at them. I don't think they've ever seen anything bigger than my eyes. Truly, they are big.

Here's some questions I've had lately, that I've been spending lots of time thinking about the answers to:

1) What if I have a son who wants to take ballet? There are some pro's, many cons. He will eternally be made fun of, called gay, etc etc...what do you do?

2). How can you help your child realize the importance of doing absolutley NOTHING with your boyfriend/girlfriend before you are married. Heck, now I wish I didn't even hold hands with anybody ...but I did. How can you prevent your children from making the same mistakes you did? I can't imagine how my parents must have felt when they found out things about me that I never wanted them to know...how heartbreaking. I mean you can't go sit in on all your childs dates and critique every move they make. Wether you won't allow them to date, kids are still going to find a way to do what they want to do. Such a tough thing, parenting. I can't wait.

Leslie, those pics of Josiah going to Moms day out were so cute! Made my eyes water up. What a big day for him and how exciting it must have been! Plus-- play-doh!!! Awesome!!

Well...I'm off!

new blog

i started a photo blog to post pics I have taken on there so I can leave this to other stuff...there is a link to it in my profile. I hope you like them! here's a link to it also: my photos

Workin 9-5...

...What a way to make a livin...

Well, Amy (who I interviewed with) called me today and she wants me to nanny her son! I had originally asked for 10 dollars an hour, but I told her anywhere from 8-10 would be fine. She is offering 8, which isn't too bad for just one kid who basically sleeps most of the day. I am really excited though!! I start next week with just one day a week because I will be gone so much this summer and then when all my trips wind down I will go to 2 1/2 days a week. And she will pay me the same wether I work 2 1/2 days or less a week so that is nice...just a set paycheck every week so we can count on the dinero. Soooo that is really exciting. I can't wait to post a pic of Henry so you all can see how absolutely adorable he is!!

Also....I have been extremely frustrated with shopping for an outfit for the wedding. I had gotten a skirt and some flip flops to wear but I just couldn't find a top...I decided to try super target again and found this super sexy black dress that looks dern good on me if I must say so, and some little strappy black HEELS. Gasp now...I have only worn heels once in my life, and that was at aprils wedding....and i attribute those to part of my near fainting and falling off the alter....

Anyway, matt sure liked the outfit ....I assume so with the "whooo baby" he let out, and I felt good in it so YAY. Now I have something for rehearsal dinner AND the wedding. Thanks to mi madre for buying it!

Dinna time!

Well, since I'm bascially the only woerner not within 100 miles of the all the other Woerners, I hear most of the news last......which is why I was basically in mourning all day monday to find out Meemaw and Pawpaw sold their house!!

Nobody asked my permission?!!

I seriously just layed on my bed for forever just feeling so sad about it.....I didn't even feel like that when we moved the 3 times my family moved. I mean gosh all the memories I have from their house.."ice skating" on that random tile patch in the basement (which she covered up..WHY!!), our cousin sleep-overs after family reunion....that mini fake pool table she had that Jase and Richard played catch with the balls instead and one of them nailed me right in the eye..us girls crimping each others hair..I remember the adults making us stay in the basement, with the 500878784777309 christmas presents until THEY were ready to open them. They should've made us stay upstairs where we weren't tempted to open them all night long. Oh man just so many fond memories...most of them at christmastime but still....who would've thought that when I was down this past Christmas would be my last one there? If I knew I could've at least said goodbye to the old place....

Oh well. Now my Christmas memories are made at Mom and Dads's house, surrounded by the next generation of Oglesbys/hawbakers/loerkes.....in a couple years we'll all have our own kids that we're sending to the basement to play with the presents while us adults get a break.

Oh life never stops changing. Change may be one of the things I resist most in my life...I hate change. I do not do well around it. My body goes crazy, my emotions get out of wack....really, I mean it took me like 2 months to get over the change of living here in Oklahoma...very far away from my family...no friends here, not knowing where to go or how to get around....

Anyway....Matt's mom works very closely with the woman who interviewed me to nanny her son and she told Mom that she wants to hire me. I am so excited because her kid...oh mygosh he is THE CUTEST THING ever. Carly, to me, is also the cutest thing ever....and so are Leslie and Jojo's kids.....heck, all kids are the cutest things ever to me....but Henry, this baby oh man he stole my heart the minute I saw him. I can't even imagine how I will feel when I have my own child in my arms....

Well....enough for one day.

Weekend...

Well I dont know what I did to make the pics not line up but oh well.....

We went to a lavender festival this weekend ....it was at a lavender farm/grape vineyard....and obviously, these are the pics I took.....it was fun, and it smelled WONDERFUL because of all the lavender that was there.....

Tomorrow I interview for a nanny position....I really hope it works out cause then I can get new glasses!!! Finally.........contacts give me the hardest time, so it's glasses for me until I can get lasik surgery.....and I've been wearing these glasses since I was 19 so I think it's time for some newbies.

Well.....off to wash dishes or something..

I love Matt's momma dearly, but she keeps making plans for me and the little girls w/o asking me, and it is driving me crazy!

We can talk to Mary in peru over IM, so I signed on the other day to see if she was online --she wasn't, but Becka (the youngest sister) was. She then IM's me and says "Are we still going to the pool today?"

I was scratching my brain trying to remember when I ever said I would take them to the pool....so I told her...Becka, I never said we would. And she then replies with "Well Mom said if we got done with our stuff you could take us to the pool". I told her to tell Momma that next time she wants to make plans with me she can ask me first.

I have told that to Momma's face too. I mean, she will sit there in front of me and say to the girls "maybe amy can take you to so and so's house or to this place" and I interrupt with "Maybe you can ask Amy before you just go and make plans for her".....

I mean honestly....how hard can it be to just ASK me? I'll most likely say yes because I have nothing else to do. It just drives me crazy sometimes.

Matt is seriously considering going to real estate school and getting his realtors liscense. I think he could sell a house to dead dog, sooo yeah...I think he will be good at it. THe man on the phone told him that most 1st year realtors start out "not making much..only 40 or 50,000 a year"....we were like...well that's double what we make so bring it on! I'm sure you can make less than that or more but so what. We're just tired of this whole mindset everybody has of....gotta get a job, gotta make good money. Where's the fun in that? All that Matt and I want to know is how can we make enough money to retire before we're 30? Does nobody else want that? I just dont understand.

I'm just rambling today.....