Mary Poppins?

Well, as we all know I've been looking for a job to no avail...I've really been wanting to find a nanny job, because if you talk to me for one second you know I love the kiddos....so I called this nanny agency and they didn't call me back, and now their ad is out of the paper.....then Matt's mom tells me that one of the doctors she works with is looking for somebody to watch her 4 month old boy....PLEASE PICK ME! I told her to tell her I was looking for something, sooo...she called me yesterday to kind of interview me and then Monday I'm going to go to her house and meet her and Henry (the baby). I would be watching him probably 2 1/2 days a week but that is perfect for what I want so...praise God that my prayers for a job are being answered! Now I pray that she will pay what I want.


Oh yeah...on June 26th I wil have been married for 2 years!!! Wow time is flying by!

These little fellas live in our apartment complex. We have big retention ponds everywhere (like a hole dug in the earth to hold water) because it floods real bad. Whenever we get a good rain, puddles of water form in the retention pond and the ducks come to play. They were sleeping under this tree all day and so I went to take a pic of them and of course they started moving. There is also a brown Momma duck with a little tiny baby duck that follows it everywhere. I tried getting a pic of them, but they were actually faster than I was and ran away....the pic was too far away sooooo....

I have a problem. It's like, I really want to make friends, and I have some girls I can call and hang out with but when it comes right down to it i just don't want to. I am notorious for backing out of dinners and things.....it's like I want friendships and then I end up like sabotoging (sp?) the friendships that I do have. Why?? It's like I'm really extroverted and really introverted at the same time. But whatever....I did go out on a limb and invite a couple over for dinner Thursday night and then go see a movie. I can handle that.

We had a yard sale this weekend. It was rather successful, as far as yard sales goes. I mean they are hit or miss, and ours was a hit, so that's nice.

Well laundry has been awaiting me for 2 days now...perhaps I should put it up..

Greed

The next installment of my "artwork" that I like to call "Greed" ......that's all for today..

....randomness...

"Satisfaction"

That is what I titled the picture. I decided to start titling my "work"...perhaps I will do a whole series of satisfactions....hmmm....if only I could find a way to sell my pics that would be awesome. If I was more well known, I could sell that above pic for 50 bucks at the minimum. OUr church had an auction and a guy was selling his picture of a tree in a field for 600 dollars. Come on, I can do that. Easy. I really love taking pictures of things. Do many people take a bite out of their sandwich and think "wow what a cool composition?" I don't think so. I really think I could do this if I knew what door to put my foot in. Everywhere I go I see pictures in my mind, I really do. It's weird but I'm always like...dang I wish I had my camera right now. Thankfully I now have a digital, but I now want a bigger purse so that it's easier to carry around..........I love purses almost as much as photography.

I called about 2 jobs today. One as a nanny and one working at a Chiropractors office. Apparently the Nanny place was already closed before 4, and the Chrio place couldn't get ahold of the lady I needed to talk to. So, I left messages at both knowing I probably wont get a call back. But alas, the search continues. Oh yeah, I did see this ad in the classifieds for "researchparticipants.com"...apparently companies get them to hire people to test out products and fill out all sorts of papers on them before they hit the market or something. Kinda like market research. ANyhoo, it pays $12.50 an hour, and there will be one in Tulsa June 1st and 2nd. The days last from 7 am to 7pm, but for 12.50 an hour to test a product I think I can handle that. I went to the website and everything and it looked legit to me, so we will see. I mean they make you fill out a w-2/tax forms and a payroll company pays you so it sounds okay to me...matt and I are hoping it works out because that would fund our trip to St. Louis the first weekend of July....and we reaaaaally want to go to st. louis. So there..

I feel like I am going to hurl. It's not a good feeling.

In high school, Matt played football and participated on the school's weightlifting team. He basically broke his back trying to lift almost 600 pounds (yes I mean to have 2 zeros..). He hurt is back pretty bad and the injury keeps coming back to haunt him every 6-8 months or so. So, he is taking off work today and the rest of the week to rest his back. He is feeling really guilty because these 3 days are coming out of his vacation time which in turn cuts the time with my family short. I'm a little sad about it but I want his back to be okay. He basically lost his last job because of his back sooo...we don't want that happening again.

Please pray that I can find a job that I will enjoy, and also for Matt to find something less strenuous on his back. That would really be nice.

Who's ready for the Lost season finale??! I am!

2 down, tons more to go

Well, my precious little neice is gonna be 2 years old on Saturday. I can't even believe it....It's seems like just yesterday she was this little:
I am loving her being "grown up" now because she keeps calling me and it is hilarious to talk to her. She called today and kept giggling and saying "I know, I know". It was so funny....and she sounded just like April. I cant wait to have a little cousin for Carly to play with, boss around, all the things that the oldest child does...

I am sick as a dog this week. Some kinda bug is going around...I must have gotten it from Matt's little sisters, who got it from their ballet/gymnastics friends. It's not fun, I can say that.

I might not be going to Peru afterall. It turns out mary has to have her wedding later than planned and if I am planning on getting a job I dont want to have to take off time for most of July and then again in august. SO we will see. Matt's mom was trying to make me feel guilty about it last night but I told her just to get over it and that Mary will getmarried whether I am there or not. I told Matt last night I have had my fill of his family, and now I want a good dose of my family. If only you all didn't live in stupid Fayettevile....I hate that town. It traps you in. It weighs you down. I just dont like it.

But I want to be near my family, so I am praying that we can move back haha! Only praying so dont get your hopes up, Ape. We will see and do whatever God wants soooo.....

Matt is coming home for lunch, perhaps I should change out of my pj's............nah, I'm sick, your allowed to be a bum.

Pest control

So there I am, sitting in the rocking chair, in my pj's (which consist of Matt's boxers and one of my dads huge tshirts), chowing down on Lucky Charms and watching Will & Grace that I taped last night....when I hear a knock on the door. My heart immediately starts racing. Who could it be? We will not find out,. Instead we will go in the closet where there are no windows for people to see me in the house. (I normally do hide when somebody knocks ont he door, ever since I was a kid I have this HUGE fear of getting kidnapped). They knock again. I am panic stricken and can't move....

....a third knock. And then I hear the door unlock and open. THe security alarm starts beeping and I hear these 2 words..."Pest Control!".

OH Yes. I forgot we had found a spider the size of my head and called for pest control to come spray.

Crap, I'm in my pj's, the house is a wreck, and the alarm is going off. I threw on my robe and ran out there to let him in....

I was thoroughly thoroughly embarrassed. I don't know which was worse- that I wasn't dressed or that the apartment was a wreck. We're talking unfolded laundry, shopping bags strewn about, I HADN'T EVEN FLUSHED THE TOILET YET FROM USING THE BATHROOM LAST NIGHT.........

So I learned 2 valuable lessons today"
1) upon rolling out of bed, put on clothes and deoderant immediately.
2). I have no excuse for not keeping the house clean, and I don't want that to happen again, so I will from this day forward, keep my place spotless.........mark my words, they might not hold up next week.

I'm a travelin' man..

So there's a good chance I (like 90%) that I will be in Peru for a week this summer! I'm so excited...I've never been out of the country (except for to west virginia, and alabama counts too because it's so different from any other state)

I'll be going in July, which means July is a buuuusy month for me. July 1-3 or around there we will hopefully be in St.Louis for our first ever honeymoon, then the 12-20something we will be in NC, then if all works out for Peru I will be leaving on the 30th or 31st of July...coming back after August 5th.

Matts sister is getting married in peru on august 5th, and his mom really wants to be there, and she also really wants me to go with her. I told her if she wants to pay for it I will go haha, so she has some friends who work for american airlines who can get round trip tickets for about 450 a peice which is phenominal for going out of the country!

Finally a stamp in my passport....hopefully!!

My weekend in pictures..

We relaxed at the park... I loved this grass.
Matt took this picture, I thought it was cool.
We ended up sitting the same way on the blanket.

I have more to upload but blogger wont do it anymore, so this is all for now...

"Ya hear that? It's the winds of change..."

Well, so the deal is this:
If Mattie and I want to never have kids, rent a one bedroom apartment our whole lives, and be fine with our nice little lifesytle forever and ever amen, then we are set.

But we don't want that anymore. There is no way to have kids on Matt's salary. There is no way to get a house, or a bigger apartment. We cannot move up, at all, on his salary.

So what do we do? We've been praying lately about having kids, and we feel like we're ready. We want to. ( I KNOW!!!!). BUT how crowded will it be with Me, Mattie and a child in 725 sq. feet? Very. Matt's got a great job great benefits, 5 stinkin weeks of vacation a year (!!!) but really no chance for a raise other than 20 cents here or there....

So we're formulating a plan. We're looking into real estate investments. THe only way to move up is to try, right? We're thinkin about buying a duplex and renting out the other side, which would take care of the mortgage payment (cause you can rent a duplex for 650-700 easy here in tulsa). We would then have room and more financial freedom to have a little kid or two (or three or four...)... So we're reading books, we're talking to people, we're gonna make this work.

Yes, I could go get a job, but we both would only want me to work part time because I do so much here at the apartment, I study my stocks, I help drive the munchkins around for Grandma, ...I'm a busy girl. It's not like I sit here and watch soaps all day. (though I have been guilty of it a time or two). Plus, what would a part time job, with my minimal qualifications with no college degree get me? A retail job, selling shoes making minimum wage. Oh wait, I did that for 2 years.

So, all this to say,please pray for us. We are ready for a transition. We're ready to move, we're ready to have kids, but we cant just sit here and expect God to give us all that we need, we also have to help make it work. Pray for wisdom, knowledge, cooperative people, good attitudes, a healthy baby and pregnancy (when it comes)....etc etc...

I'm ready!

----- a little later after I posted this:
I feel I should say, this does not mean that we are currently trying to have a child. . And also, since I posted this, we've talked more about me getting a job. The thing is, getting the right one. There is one I am considering applying for, but you can keep that in your prayers as well. That if there is a job for me, I would find it, and Love it, etc etc

Hey good lookin, watcha got cookin?

I can't really figure this picture thing out...I took this little one of the flowers earlier today. I love my hubby cause he knows how much I love taking pics so he will take me anywhere I wanna go to do just that! He even says we can stop on the side of the road if I have to...

And I thought he looked pretty darn good in this pic, so I figured I'd show him off to the world. He's lost 25 pounds since February and he's bulking up with muscle again. Of course, I always thought he looked good but ya know, the musclier the better. Haha only kidding....just wanted to brag on my good lookin hubby.
I hope my little boys look like him!

I've been bit...

Yes...I've been bit by the baby bug. Don't these little shoes make you want one too? Sorry for the visible fuzz on there....oh well. The shoes are still the cutest little things I've seen in a long time...and yes, they are for Carly. Don't get excited thinking I've bought them for my own child, cause we've already worked it out that we're having boys first (and by saying that, I'm automatically sealing my fate that I will now have 10 girls....ah well, a kid is a kid right? haha)

.....

I experienced a lot of heartache growing up, watching my dad suffer with diabetes. Others may not think it's that big a deal, but I'm a sensitive girl, and you haven't seen what I have. Anyways, I just cant shake the feeling that I need to just get it all out there but I just don't know how..... I've cried many a times over it but how do you deal? You can't just erase images of your dad having a seizure. You can't erase the memory of waking up in the middle of the night because ambulance lights are shining in your bedroom. You can't erase the pain you see on your mom, brother, sister and even your dad's face after something like that happens. You don't forget the feeling you get when you walk into the room to see your dad staggering around asking if you know whether he took his shot or not...and then knowing you don't have the strength to handle his low sugar, you run to your mom for help. You can't forget the fear that wells up inside when your mom goes out of town and leaves you to deal with your dad in case something should happen. You can't erase the anger you feel when you call 911 to get an ambulance and have the dispatcher tell you to just relax. You can't forget the times when your mom would send you to your friends house down the street while your mom had to call the ambulance. You also can't forget coming home that night and seeing your dad actually taped to the floor to help keep him still for the paramedics. You can't forget the worry you feel when your dad goes out of town w/o somebody who can handle diabetes- or the relief you feel when he comes home safely. You cant erase the images of your dad sticking himself with insulin 3 or more times a day, and seeing him grimace while he does so. You can't forget the times you think daddy is playing around dancing and your mom tells you his sugar is actually low and to go to your room so she can help him. You can't forget the time he took us bike riding and fell of his bike and had a seizure on the side of the street about a half a mile away from home. You can't forget the scene of your little 5 year old brother riding away on his bike to go get your mom, with your sister following behind to make sure your brother gets there. You can't forget the feeling of fear being left alone, at 7 years old, on the side of the street telling the worried neighbor to get honey or milk or something sugary for your dad to help him.You can't forget the times after your dad is better and he scoops you up in his lap and holds you and tells you he loves you and how sorry he was for scaring us. You can't bring back all the times you were mean to your dad, disrepsectful, downright rude- and change them. You can't go back in time and give him more hugs, and wish you told more that you loved him. You just can't change it, you can't forget it.....but how do you deal?
The first time I told my dad I loved him, w/o him saying it first, was on Fathers Day 2004. I can't believe it took me 20 years to say it...
I love my daddy. I miss him bunches. I wish he could be cured.....and I can't wait for him to be in Heaven, his true home, where he will be diabetes free and running around worshipping his Maker!


I know I've blogged about diabetes before, but this felt more like a journal entry, something personal to me but I wanted to share it anyways. Kinda helps for healing, I guess.