Until further notice..

So Matt and I decided to postpone moving pretty much indefinately. There are just other things right now we need to worry about. We both feel good about our decision.....as much as I want to live near mi familia, it just didn't feel right. Like we were forcing it to happen or something. I feel much better now. Almost relieved. It's weird.

Anyway,....thats the news fornow.

We are family..

Sigh.

I miss my family.

A lot.

It came to my attention this week that Carly and April went shoe shopping. Of all the shoes in the store, Carly picked out bubble-gum pink Dora light up mary janes. April wasn't too keen on them and told Carly to put them back. And she did without complaining. It was just so neat to me to "see" a two year old already learning to sacrifice something she wants without complaining. How amazing! Of course, being the so loving Aunt that I am, I drove all the way to Owasso (its about a 30 min drive), and used 1/4 tank of gas (I was driving the Wrangler, it needs gas like we need water) in search of these shoes. I got them, of course. But thinking about it on the way home I just thought....wow, that is a lot of love I have for somebody. I know I love Mattie and my family a lot but I guess I never realized it. Not that it's some heroic act to drive a little bit to buy some shoes for my favorite neice but I just wanted to. I love her so much I had to get her those shoes. It's just so neat to be able to love somebody! Jesus gave us love in our hears and I want nothing more than to share that love with others. It feels so good to pour love on people.

One of Marys "brothers" from Peru is here in Tulsa for two weeks. His name is Hugo (like Uno but with a g instead of an N). He is SO SWEET. I am in love with this kid. Natrually, he wants Bethany to be his girlfriend but she said no. But he is just the cutest neatest kid I have met in along time. He is always washing grandmas dishes for her, cleaning things for her, he turns all the lights off when he leaves the room, and yesterday he was on the couch reading his little spanish bible and highlighting stuff. It was just neat to see, I guess. I want my boys to be like him. He's so sweet and gentle and giving. Lots of people in south america are like that. Ah me.

Christmas seems like so far away to see my family again. I had a little crying spell last night when I thought about how much I miss them. I miss being able to watch movies with mom and fall asleep in her bed. I want to be able to go play with Carly when I have the time, and to take her places and watch Miffy with her and be not only her aunt, but an influence and a good friend. I want to be near my sister, my 2nd mom, who teaches me thigns and is so honest with me. I want to be near Joel who only knows how to tease me relentlessly. I want to hear my dad say "hey pupster" and jab me in the side with his stubby poky fingers that leave bruises afterwards, (its the equivalent to pawpaws SLAPS on the back). yeah, it hurts. I want to take Carly fimmin in moms pool. I want to be a part of the other babies life. ......
Gah I forgot maclaren and Erica! Maybe living close I will get a sighting of them. I want to be able to laugh with my bubba and get to know Erica more.

We're planning on moving in May but my head keeps telling me it's not going to happen. Something inside is just saying No. Are we forcing it? Are we not listening to God? I want to be near my family more than anything, but I am totally willing to say here if I have to. I don't feel like it's out of Gods will with us planning to move, but I dont necessarily feel like it IS His will either. But does he always reveal it to us when we want? No, he doesn't. Maybe a move to Fayetteville is just a pit stop before the real plan begins. I dunno. I do know what I want to be where my family is. I miss them. I hate being away from them. It's like as soon as I let Jesus into my life and take control and really started to love my family, I moved away. Now i want to go back and give them the love that I never gave....momma always said I would regret not hugging them or sayig I Love you, and I do....

Well, now that I am crying again I am going back to baking cookies. I just had to get this out.

Adoption

Well, I just watched this show on the discovery channel called Adoption Stories, and now I am crying. It was the sweetest thing I have ever seen. This couple adopted twin girls from Korea. It was so neat to see them at the airport waiting for the girls to arrive. THe mom and dad were both just crying so much, and their biological daughter who is 3 1/2 was real worried about them crying. Anyway, I was sitting like a loof on the couch just crying my eyes out thinking about all the orphans in the world who need a Mommy and Daddy. I thought about Henry who was adopted, and Matt's two little sisters and their brother who were adopted. The amount of love these children need....so amazing. I am so inspired now. I want to adopt a child!! What an opportunity we have to extend God's love to other children. Jesus loved the children (all the children of the world..red and yello...nevermind) and wanted them near him. What better way to bring a child near to Jesus than by adopting one and sharing His love with them! You can do this with your own children, but these orphans may never have a chance at all! Gosh, we as Americans are so blessed with all that we have...shoes, clothes, and abundance of food, furniture, people around us that love us so much....and these orphans around the world, they dont even have parents!! Some of these kids that do have parents are no better off because their parents are bozo's. I cant even imagine how Henry's new mom and dad feel about him. Just watching taht show made me feel so honored to he a part of this childs life. I have an opportunity to help him grow and show him love and treat him as I would my own children. The same for Carly and my hopeful nephew, and Matt's little sisters. What a great opportunity Jesus has given all us adults to be examples not only to our adult brothers and sisters but to the children as well.

A new way to clean

I dunno if anybody reads this anymore, but thought I would share my idea anyways..

Whenever I am cleaning, and I find something in the kitchen that goes in the bedroom or somewhere else....I get real distracted putting up the said item. I will take it to the bedroom and that will get me started on cleaning that room, instead of finishing the room I was in.

So this morning I had the brilliant idea to pull out the laundry baskets, and while cleaning if I found something that went in another room, i put it in the designated basket. So now, when I go to clean my bedroom, I just pick up the basket with all the bedroom items and go in there.

It saves me from getting distracted, and it saves matt from coming home to a house that i cleaned but never looks clean...

Please...

Pray for me y'all....that I will have a good attitude towards Matt's mom while I am still living here. I thought I missed her while she was in Peru....turns out, I wish she was gone again.

Bad, huh?

Please though, really pray for my attitude....I want an attitude of love, patience, ......etc etc...all the fruits of the spirit Jojo talked about on her myspace. That would be nice.

Also, I am really stressing about my b-day. 23 just feels so awkward.....such an inbetween age. I am really feeling resistant towards this birthday. I know it's not old but it's like...man..23 years...what have I done? This is the age I always envisioned having kids....who knows...life is so busy right now with work and trying to move and trying to squeeze in some quality time with the hubby at midnight. This birthday feels unimportant, I guess. Mattie will be working, I have to celebrate without him. My family isnt here. Nobody in tulsa even knows its my bday but my fam....I dunno. I am just whining right now but it's weird is all I am trying to say....

Uhhh. My heartburn never stops, never. I believe i suffer from severe acid refulx disease. My esophagus? It's probably damaged beyong belief....

Wow, I am just ramblin away here....

Bah humbug

Nothing like seeing a picture of yourself to make you feel absolutely un-attractive in every way possible.

Henry is trying to crawl. he got 10 times chunkier while I was away. We're talkin rolls on the thighs yall. He's still cute as can be....methinks he is fed too much. Oh well, he aint my child and i shall do as momma says. He's also saying "dadadada" now...so that is exciting. He will be 7 months this week. I will be 23 this week. Insanity. 23 aint old but I am having such a hard time dealing with it....such an awkward age.

Well, I'm off to mope about the horribleness of the picture I just saw of myself.

yes, this post is all about me. but it's my blog and I'll write what I want to.

Rambles..

I've always thought that I wanted to be pregnant by the time I was 23.

That leaves me 8 days to get on it. Ha!

Kids are definately on our mind lately. Even though we really are in no place financially to have a child....but if you wait until that moment arrives, .....can you even do that? How do you know when "Oh by the way, we can now afford a child". I mean you need money for everything, you never know what kind of blow you are going to get dealt ya know? Isn't that part of life, always trying to make money for something else and for today. True our plan is to be financially free in 5 years, and hopefully with Gary's wise ways we can do that. But who wants to wait 5 more years to have a kid? Not I! Not that 28 is old on the least bit, but I will be 28! My kids after I have all 5 of them...will still be at home when I am in my 60s. I don't want that. Shoo flys, dont bother me! I know I am not old at all, but I'm not gettin any younger either. My body already aches when I am bent over too long....it takes about 5 minutes to straighten my legs back out... like I heard them say on Gilmore Girls last night "There's never a great time to be a parent..you just are". I told Matt that after I heard it and all he had to say "so waht does that mean..." and I'm like "duh, that i want a CHILD!"

All this to say I can't wait to be a momma. I can't wait to be an aunt again. I can't wait to be back at Henry's house to play with my little buddy. I can't wait to live near my neice and soon to be (hopefully my) nephew!

We got digital cable yesterday and I discovered a channel made just for me..the Independant Film Channel! Yes! I already dvr'd the movie Amelie. I am so excited about this channel, I imagine I will be recording many a movie as I jsut happen to love independant films more than any others... There's also a channel devoted stricly to love movies! Last night I feasted on The Notebook while Mattie worked on his stock homework...

We're really (or I am) praying that we can somehow get a 2nd car. All we need is a clunker to get us here or there....I even prayed that somebody would just miraculously (sp?) give us a car....seeing as we don't really have money to go buy one...

Well I've written a lot. All pointless chatter....it's okay, it does me good to get it out, and it beats talking to my apartment walls.

Cha-ching!

Well, my prayers were answered....Henry needs me full time now through September. So yay! And Matt got an evening job at Staples workin about 15-20 hours a week so that helps out with our move, too.

I'm here to tell ya God is GOOD!

Lo siento

I'm sorry for all the complaining I've been doing about Matt's mom. It seems like with every person in my life, I go through this season where I notice everything about them that I don't like and just start not liking that person at all. I realize now though that she does what she does because she loves her kids, she doesnt want us to move, etc etc. It's natural for a mom to miss her kids, ya know? So I'm sorry i was complaining so much and making her sound like a monster in law. She really isnt.

On a lighter note, the end of may cannot come fast enough. Right now I am most excited about living close to April. I miss my sister. Plus she needs my help with my nephew (fingers crossed) on the way. Apes I just know you are having a boy, i just know it.

I think mattie and I both found part times jobs to help us save $$ for moving. This way I can still stay with henry but work somewhere else too, so it'll be like I am working full time, just with two different employers. One taxes out my taxes, the other doesnt. That's all.

I am going to be 23 this month. Isnt that weird? I feel like I am 12. Oh well.